


from up here you can't beat the view (just watch me now)

by kishere, maybeformepersonally



Series: or what if they were camboys [1]
Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Alternate 2009 Timeline, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Dan in a Japanese schoolgirl outfit, Exhibitionism, Internalized Biphobia, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Masturbation, Sex Toys, Sex Worker AU, Smut, Strangers to Friends, camboy au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-29
Updated: 2019-09-29
Packaged: 2020-11-01 15:14:20
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 22,680
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20817251
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kishere/pseuds/kishere, https://archiveofourown.org/users/maybeformepersonally/pseuds/maybeformepersonally
Summary: Written for the Phandom Big Bang on tumblr.It's 2009 and Dan finds Phil on the internet when a well-meaning mate of his recommends him to a certain site she likes. Dan quickly becomes a fan: watching Phil's videos religiously and interacting with him on his socials. And, soon enough, Phil starts noticing him.A familiar enough story on the surface but here's the catch: Phil has never been involved with YouTube.Phil is a camboy.voted 3rd place, Best Collaboration in the 2019 phanficawards on tumblr





	1. sometimes you gotta try something new and that something new is a cam site

Dan could do this, he thought as he slowly hit the letters on his keyboard. 

Nicole had recommended the site when he’d been rolling on the floor of his room, going back and forth about finding men attractive. Again. He _ was _ bisexual, but he wasn’t sure just _ how _ bisexual he was. The occasional sneaked look in a locker room and some sweaty kisses at a party in the woods didn’t seem like enough to base wanting to have sex with guys on. 

_ “Have you ever even watched porn, Dan,” she had asked before laughing at him as he choked on the swig of Jack he had swiped from downstairs. Dad had been drinking more lately and wouldn’t notice the bottle had dipped low if he watered it down. He flipped her off and coughed a few more times to clear his throat. _

_ “You’re vile, Nikki,” he said, ignoring her as she gave him the finger in return. _

_ “Well? Have you,” she challenged, pulling her hair back into a ponytail, going from ‘funny Nikki’ to ‘serious, going-to-give-you-advice Nikki’. _

_ “I mean... a little, but it didn’t really. You know,” Dan said, flustered as he didn’t make eye contact. “It didn’t feel… real.” _

_ “It’s porn; there aren’t that many plumbing problems in the world. Have you tried live cams?” _

_ “Live cams,” Dan echoed back hesitantly, feeling his nose wrinkle in confusion. He didn’t want Nikki to know he didn’t know what those were, but from the knowing looking on the girl’s face, he was failing. _

_ “Yeah. People like, film themselves getting off live and you can pay them for more private shit if you want,” Nicole explained. “I have a site I like sometimes. The girls on it are pretty hot.” _

_ “Jesus Christ,” Dan muttered, glad about the shitty Skype connection between here and America. “I’m not having an issue with hot girls though.” _

_ Nikki rolled her eyes at him and stared at him. “You… could look for guys on there… Daniel.” _

_ “Brill idea Nicole,” Dan sassed back. “Let the underaged boy try to find… something… on the porn site.” _

_ “Adult cam site,” Nicole corrected immediately. “And you don’t have to pay. There are plenty of people who use it just because they are exhibitionists.” _

_ “I… maybe. Send me a link,” Dan said after thinking it over for a minute. _

So here he was, three days later in a finally blessedly empty house. He was sitting in a shirt and some boxers as he slowly typed out the link into a Firefox window. Dan could have just clicked on the link, but that felt too definite. Typing it out himself gave him some sort of… plausible deniability. ‘Haha, what a mistype,’ he joked with himself as the page loaded and wow. 

That was a lot of naked skin. 

Like a lot of skin. 

Mostly tits, but he spied a few chests that looked like they could potentially belong to dudes. He clicked on the first one he saw and made a face. It was a little too hairy for his taste. Not that he was averse to a hairy chest. Maybe. He didn’t know what he wanted, really, but he knew it wasn’t older with an extremely hairy gray chest that had the kind of moans that he thought made porn so inauthentic. 

Dan huffed in disappointment and looked in the top left corner, finding a drop down menu. He clicked on it and blinked at the… staggering amount of choices on the site. BBW, Anal, Trans, and… Gay. There it was, that stupid label, in gaudy, yellow letters, waiting for Dan to click on it as his cursor hovered over it. He clicked on it and felt his body relax as he saw so many more options available to him, and scrolled. And scrolled. Clicked on a few streams and exited out but none of them felt right until _ him _.

xoxoAmazingPhiloxox 

First of all, he was hot. Inky black hair and insane blue eyes that Dan kept looking into when he wasn’t looking at Phil’s hand squeezing himself through (of all things) Donkey Kong boxer-briefs. Dan realized after five minutes that his eyes weren't just blue; it was a kaleidoscope of blue, green, and yellow. Second of all, the username had a little star next to the name, which Dan assumed meant they were good at what they did. Dan certainly thought Phil was good at what he was doing. Phil was talking as opposed to sitting there and just moaning, which… kind of helped actually, even if he was answering questions from another viewer about why he chose those hideous pants. He didn’t even have his dick out yet, just squeezing the outline of his dick through his boxers and Dan was hooked like the other 1500 people watching the stream.

“Well bigduck71, thank you for the tip, sometimes, I just get hard playing video games. It’s not that I’m attracted to the characters,” Phil was explaining, breaking off to moan into his elbow, “it’s just that I imagine that someday I’m going to have a boyfriend. I’m going to have a boyfriend to cuddle up next to me while playing video games and then if we want, we can. You know.”

Phil looked shy for a brief moment, but he stopped talking to pull out his dick after a very generous (at least $10 seemed generous to Dan, it was his first time after all) tip and Dan felt himself go from half-hard to fully hard. Fuck. His dick looked so good. Dan wanted to kiss it because it was _ pretty _ , the way its head was red and looked shiny, and it looked girthy from how wide Phil’s fingers were stretched around it. _ No guy should have that pretty of a dick and face and body all together; it was going to give the rest of mankind a complex _, Dan thought as he reached down and squeezed his own erection, letting out a whimper as Phil continued to speak. 

“If we want, I could push him down and kiss him. I don’t think I would rut against him immediately; I think we could just make out, me laying on top of him, and the sounds of the Sonic title screen playing in the background,” Phil broke off here to hum the opening from Sonic Mania. “And I would kiss him until his lips were swollen. Slide my hands slowly underneath his shirt and touch how warm his stomach and sides are. Wait until he’s grinding up into me and grind back against him. I hope he grabs my ass, to pull me against him. Like it’s a decent ass, right? It deserves a little grab?”

Phil turned around and showed off his ass. He gripped it, his nails digging into the pale flesh that was dotted with the occasional mole, pulling apart a miniscule amount. Not enough to expose his hole, but enough to tease and show what he wanted his imaginary boyfriend to do to him.

Dan estimated he had bigger hands than Phil. He could probably grip his ass well, he thought as his hand sped up against his dick. Dan came embarrassingly quick when Phil turned back around and he was staring into those multicolored eyes. He was mortified at how fast he came and no one was even in the room with him to justify him feeling this level of mortification. Reasons why Dan’s a fail, Dan thought as he felt the come cooling on his hand. Coming to an emo talking on a shady cam site and Dan hadn’t even typed anything into the chat yet to let Phil know he was watching him.

He waited until his heart rate slowed down a bit before typing in a simple ‘thank you’ with a little heart emoji attached to it before closing out of the screen to go clean off his hand.

\--

\--

“So how did it go?” Nikki asked him a few days later on Skype. Dan shrugged which made her roll her eyes. “You didn’t even do it, did you? Wimp.”

Dan sighed and looked up to meet her brown, judging, judgy little eyes and nodded. “I did do it. It was...”

Dan trailed off, unsure of how much he wanted to divulge to her. Because he did jerk off and while Nikki was pretty chill, he didn’t want to gross her out either. Did he want to say how enlightening it was to see a guy who had such beautiful eyes he wanted to go swimming in them? Did he want to talk about how he hadn’t stopped thinking about the show the past three days and was going to try and find him again because his face kept popping up in Dan’s mind all the time? Did he want to talk about how reaffirming of his sexuality it was to know how insanely attracted he was to men and that it definitely wasn’t a phase?

“It was fine,” was what Dan went with. 

“Ahhhhh,” Nikki said, her face transforming into something teasing. Apparently his poker face had been slipping since he no longer had to use it on a daily basis to survive. “Dan’s got a crush.”

“I don’t have a crush,” Dan huffed, voice going embarrassingly high for a moment. He took care to speak at a normal pitch after that. “Just… I have a mild curiosity.”

“Sure, buddy. Sure,” Nikki said, her tone drawing the words out before diving into a tangent about how insanely hard one of the missions in Black Ops was, and how it had been kicking her ass.

\--

The “mild curiosity” kind of becomes a thing: Dan will get horny and instead of just using his ‘wild imagination’ (_ thanks every teacher he had in primary school _), he’d go on the live cam site if he needed something to visualize. He didn’t always go straight to Phil’s page to see if he was online; he does try and look at other camboys, but none of them keep his attention like Phil. Dan was pretty sure it was because he treated the audience like a regular audience, but he just happened to touch himself while talking and playing music. 

Dan was a bit obsessed with Phil’s accent; it was very Northern and different than the chav accent he heard at school from the wannabe gangsters. Like today for example, Phil was just talking about something random going on in his life and Dan wasn’t even watching him to see if he was touching himself. He was working through his maths homework and had his headphones in to just listen to Phil _ talk _ as he tried to remember what his completely unintelligible maths teacher had said during class. He gave up after a while and turned his attention to Phil’s show, cushioning his head on crossed arms as he laid on his stomach. 

“So today I filmed something for my class,” Phil was explaining on the webcam. “It’s kind of different but a couple of my mates really liked it.”

Phil broke off to laugh at something in the chat.

“No, no, tiittyfucker96 nothing like this. I don’t think I could look them in the eye if I showed them a recording of me doing this,” Phil said, idly twisting a nipple and letting out a laugh that trailed into a moan as he (assumingly) pinched his nipple harder. Dan never thought someone could be so care-free during sexual situations. He was constantly worried that someone would hear that he had been with a girl and say that his bisexuality was a phase or that he was faking being straight which made him nervous to be intimate with anyone, even his ex-girlfriend. So watching the way Phil’s eyes would flutter in enjoyment as he gripped himself, watching the way Phil would give choked off laughs as he read filthy comments? It… it made Dan want to gain that kind of confidence. 

Before he had fully thought through his actions, he was typing into the chat-box, lucky that the basic, no-payment level of being a site member still allowed for chat interaction with the cam-workers. 

‘_ how r u able to be so confident on camera? _’ 

Dan waited after hitting send and felt himself start to grow antsy after a mere second. He had sent messages before, casual things like ‘is that muse in the background’ or simple thank yous after he’d come. He didn’t think he was going to get anything out of Phil, but then he heard his now familiar laugh, and when he looked up he saw Phil’s tongue sticking out the side of his mouth, something Dan shouldn’t be fixated on but he was rapidly learning that his fascination with anything and everything Phil didn’t make any sort of rational sense and his dick simply didn’t care. 

“Well Dennis, no Danis. Danis-snot-on-fire.”

Dan wanted to die. He had been noticed and for all the wrong reasons. Why did he use the worst username known to man? Now everyone probably thought he had a snot fetish or some shit. 

“Very creative username,” Phil chuckled, looking right at the camera and giving the world’s most awkward wink Dan had been on the receiving end of. Mainly because he was trying so hard to wink, tilting his head to the side and trying but only managing to blink. Dan muffled his laughter into his elbow because if he was laughing, his mum would know he wasn’t completely focused on his homework and come in to check on him, and he really didn’t want to explain why he was doing his maths homework shirtless.

“Watch out guys, it’s about to not be a sexy time for a moment. But to answer your question, Danis,” Phil said as Dan resisted the urge to throw himself out the window every time Phil called him the wrong name, “I get my confidence from all of you guys. It’s actually part of why I first started camming in the first place. When I first started, I was pretty awkward. Like I did bad angles and there were times I got so nervous that I’d uh. You know. Go soft. But everytime someone said something encouraging, it really helped boost my confidence to what’s in front of you now. I kind of just learned that the worst thing that will happen is you’ll have to try again. So yeah!”

Phil ended the talk with jazz hands.

Dan hated how he tracked the way Phil’s hands moved, imagining how warm they would feel in person. His maths homework sat uncompleted as he had himself a wank to the freckles he wanted to bite on Phil’s shoulders.

\--

It only got worse with time. This… infatuation. He’d still search the site for new camboys sometimes, but he got bored easily, grew frustrated when he didn’t find what he liked. He _ knew _what he liked, was the thing. He knew who he wanted. The problem was: he only had access to the open camshows Phil made, at the moment. 

There was a whole library of old camshows archived on the site, but it was locked for paying clients, and paying clients needed to have a credit or debit card and to be verifiably 18 or older, which Dan wouldn’t be for another month. And even then, he’d still need to get some kind of card. Which was way too much trouble just to get more porn, right? There was plenty of free porn on the internet. He didn’t _ need _ a paid membership. He _ didn’t _.

But he _ wanted _ one, he really, really did. There were _ years _ worth of Phil camshows in there, plus some kink-themed clips, and special features like the superchat, and Dan _ craved _. 

He tried to hold off his burgeoning interest, but soon enough he’d fallen into a rabbit hole of online sites where Phil interacted with his subscribers and answered questions and uploaded photos with funny commentary; fallen never to be seen again. He couldn’t stop scrolling, couldn’t stop reading his twitter, his #asks tag on tumblr, his dailybooth (especially his _ nakedbooths _, which he posted whenever he hit a milestone), his answers on formspring (almost all of them were sexual, and fuck, Phil had a way with words).

He had now reached the point where his mind drifted automatically to Phil whenever he wanked, or even when he got turned on, like the two things went together, a Pavlovian response. He’d accrued quite the collection of Phil-specific fantasies, and all his old fantasies had now cast Phil in the starring role. And he’d become addicted to checking Phil’s socials more than was maybe reasonable.

Like now.

Dan refreshed tumblr at just the right time to see that Phil had answered a few asks. 

**anonymous asked:**

how big is ur duck

**amazingphil:**

[_ picture of a rubber duck next to a 50 cm ruler _]

Dan couldn’t hold back a snicker at the response. He’d discovered that Phil was hilarious very soon after discovering that he was gorgeous, and though he mourned the loss of opportunity to get a Phil dick pic, he had to hand it to him. It was funny.

Dan clicked on the ‘amazingphil’ url to check if there were any more answers yet. Phil normally did a few at a time.

And today was no exception. 

**anonymous asked**:

is it true that you did linguistics at uni?

**amazingphil**: 

it is! I’m an english language and linguistics graduate. sounds professional, huh? i got good grades and everything. i could totally tutor you if you’re having trouble with your homework, i’ll even bring out the glasses if you’re into it… (_ i’m _ into it)

**anonymous asked:**

whats your favorite sex toy

**amazingphil:**

oh, this is a hard one. mmm... probably my blue vibrator? tho the purple dildo that comes inside you gets a special mention too, maybe it’s that it’s new and i’m still super excited about it lol but if you saw that one camshow where i used it you saw how much fun i had with it ;) and i’ve used it a few more times already so...

Dan had seen that camshow. That thing was _ huge _. And Phil had taken it like it was nothing, moaning and pushing back on it like he couldn’t get enough of it. Dan had come twice during the half-hour-long liveshow. Dan refreshed the page, and a new ask appeared.

**anonymous asked**: 

hav you tried bondage? i’d luv to tie u up ;)

**amazingphil**:

i haven’t actually! but i might be up for it with someone i trust. but i’ve thought about it! it’s a hot fantasy. i’d like my partner to tie just my wrists the first time, to ease me into it, but a second time i think it could be fun to be spread eagled, wrists and ankles, back to the bed. i’d like to be on one of those four poster beds so that you could have my legs up in the air. i think i’d like to be fingered slowly when i can’t move away, teased a little and then fucked into the mattress while spread open like that with no friction on my cock so i can’t come until you’re done with me and then you get to decide how to make me come, i bet that’d drive me wild. i can get a bit needy in that kind of situation haha but that’s half the fun of it, yeah? that’s y’know, sth i think about sometimes :)

“Ngh.” Dan was suddenly very hard, his mind having taken a wild swerve into the gutter as soon as he’d clicked on Phil’s blog if he was being honest, but _ that _ took it to a whole new level. He wasn’t sure how true these were, but the idea that these were actually Phil’s fantasies, that this was what he thought about when he got off by himself, it always made it so much hotter for Dan, so much more _ effective _. He wasn’t sure if it was just that Phil talked about his actual fantasies differently and he was picking up on it on some wavelength, or if he just got off to the idea of knowing something so intimate about someone he was attracted to.

He wanted _ more _, so he refreshed the page again, barely resisting the urge to touch himself as he squirmed just a little on his seat.

The page refreshed, and there was a new answer.

**anonymous asked**:

ur so hot i love ur cock i want to sit on it and ride u until u scream

**amazingphil**: 

mm… this cock? [_ gif of phil’s groin from the chest to his thighs, completely naked, he’s pumping his cock slowly, once, twice, the third time, as his fingers reach the head, a few drops of precome slide down his fingers, then the gif loops _] yeah that sounds nice. but i think i could make you scream first... race you? ;)

“Fuck,” Dan breathed out, his own cock twitching sympatheticaly inside his pyjama bottoms. He reached down to squeeze it and couldn’t help but buck up into it, breathing ragged and mind already lost in the fantasy. How would it feel to sit on Phil’s lap, to tease him by rubbing against him, to have Phil finger him open and then kiss him while he slid down onto that pretty cock, feel it stretch him until he bottomed out and then stay still, perfectly, maddeningly still, until Phil couldn’t take it anymore and said “please, Dan,” and then to move up, feeling that cock dragging against all those hidden places, making fireworks go off behind his eyes, until he was almost all the way out, and then-

Dan had pulled out his own rock hard dick and was pumping it furiously, basically fucking his fist by this point, imagining himself bouncing on Phil’s cock, picturing how Phil would grab his ass, how he’d grip him by the thighs as he pushed him down into his cock, how he wouldn’t be able to resist fucking up into him, hips rising without even thinking about it. 

In the stark reality of Dan’s bedroom, he brought his hand up to pinch his own nipple and moaned; in his fantasy, it was Phil’s long, elegant fingers doing it, Phil’s fist around his cock as he fucked him, Phil leaving bite marks on his collarbones, telling him how fit he was, how good he felt, how much Phil wanted him, and just like that Dan was spilling into his hand and his shirt, pressing his mouth into the fleshy inner side of his bicep to muffle the whiny, breathy moans he couldn’t quite keep in, and the pleasure came in waves down his body, had him writhing in his computer chair for several long moments that felt like a short eternity, and left him a boneless lump, breathing too hard and staring unseeingly into the computer screen.

“Huh,” he muttered to himself once he’d come down from it. That was... really good, actually. 

The gif was still playing on the screen. Dan right-clicked over it and saved it on his computer. For reasons.

\--

Next came the not-so-natural progression of his little hobby into a whole new level. It began as a fantasy.

He’d been spending so much time in that damned camming website that it was hardly shocking that the thought would form in his mind. What would it feel like to be in front of the camera? What must it feel like to feel so confident about your own body and sexuality that you can put yourself on display like that with the expectation that people will come, that people will watch, that some will even pay for the privilege of telling you how good you look or to ask you to touch yourself in a specific way? How did someone like Phil feel, knowing he can turn on his webcam and have thousands of viewers’ undivided attention based purely on how hot he looks as he gets himself off, thousands of eyes following his every movement, his every word, feeling their blood rush and their flesh _ crave _at the stroke of his fingertips? 

The first stray thought was followed by another, then another, and it all built momentum until he found himself caught up in the fantasy of having all those anonymous eyes on him, _ wanting _ him, wishing they could be touching him, thinking he was so desirable that they wanted to _ pay _him in exchange for scraps of attention. 

So Dan laid down on his bed, over the covers, naked (so that the anonymous men from his fantasy could take him in, could watch him, all of him, on display like-like art, or a celebrity, or something worth attention. Someone deserving of this kind of attention). Instead of following all the shortcuts he knew would get him to the finish line faster, he thought about what Phil (and the few other camboys he’d tried watching) did to tease and titillate their viewers. What would they like to see, if there really were people watching him?

He ran the fingers of one hand lightly down his neck, shivering slightly at the sensation, then down his collarbones and further down his chest until they reached one nipple. His other hand was resting to his side, gripping the duvet in an attempt to anchor him and help him pace himself. He tweaked his nipple, squeezed it between two fingers, and his hips swivelled a little in place at the bolt of pleasure. Dan’s eyes never strayed from his own body, trying to see what others would see if they were looking at him right then. His cock was hard already, resting flush against his lower belly and throbbing a little. 

He trailed the fingers down, teeth catching on his pink plump lower lip as his hand reached the crease where his hip met his thigh and he bypassed the hard flesh aching for attention between his legs in favour of running his nails down his inner thighs, leaving reddish lines on the pale soft skin and moaning softly at the sensation. Would his viewers like the noise? Would they like _ him _ ? Would these hypothetical men (and while he knew the people who watched the camshows weren’t all men, it was important to some recondite and unexamined corner of Dan’s mind that they _ would _be primarily men) be intrigued enough to want to stay and continue watching him?

Dan imagined it, countless men watching him in lust, unable to resist sneaking a hand down pants that felt too tight and rubbing one out, never taking their eyes off Dan’s form as they fantasised about all the filthy things they’d like to do to him.

He dragged his fingers down to grab a handful of his own ass, squeezing one cheek and spreading it slightly to reveal the puckered flesh between the cheeks, spurred on by the mental image of faceless men rutting into their own hands at the sight. He ran his fingers teasingly around the rim, sparks of pleasure shooting up from the place where his fingers made contact and moving all the way into his core. He tamped down on the urge to thrust his hips into the air in a natural bid to find friction.

He considered his options briefly, fingers tapping a delicious rhythm and making his legs spread a bit wider by reflex, and reached out with his other hand to fish out the lube from his drawer. He didn’t do this every time - it meant more work and cleanup - but right then he knew it was just what he needed. 

He coated three fingers as quickly as he could and returned his hand to its previous position between his legs, bending his legs and planting his feet firmly on the mattress for leverage.

He teased around his rim for a bit longer, his other hand wandering aimlessly up his body as he pretended that he was waiting for a hefty enough tip before indulging his audience. Someone would crack, he thought; someone would want it so bad that they wouldn’t even care about the money, they’d just send it over, and Dan would smile at the camera in satisfaction before dipping one of his slick fingers slowly inside.

He’d talk to them, probably, during the whole thing. He’d tell them how badly he wanted it, how hard he was, how much he _ needed _ it. It was quite unlike anything else, that particular feeling; and when he craved it, nothing else would do. He’d ask them playfully if they wanted to see how well he took his own fingers, he’d beg them so nicely to please hurry up, he needed more, one finger wasn’t enough and he was ready, he was _ so ready _ for more, but he couldn’t until he got another tip, right? So please? Pretty please?

And then another tip would come, maybe more than one, and he’d thank them, looking straight at the camera again, and he’d reward them by sliding another finger with the first, twisting them slowly (and here he’d be unable to keep his hips on the bed, he could feel himself losing that battle as they bucked up into the air by their own accord), and fuck he couldn’t keep the noise down, not when he was like this, but that was fine, wasn’t it? His viewers would like that, they’d probably compliment the whiny moans he couldn’t keep down whenever he brushed his prostate, they’d love them, if anything they’d ask him to make _ more _noise.

_ Another? _ he’d ask, he’d request, and the tips would flood, as would the praising comments. He was close, and he hadn’t even touched his prick at all. He pulled out the two fingers he’d been using to furiously finger himself and dropped some more lube on them, before reaching back down and slowly, too slowly, sinking three fingers inside. It burned a little, but the pleasure was far more intense; it made his eyes close and his jaw slacken and he had to grip the duvet again to resist touching his throbbing cock. 

It didn’t take long before he was thrusting his fingers in and out, effectively fucking himself on them and letting out high, desperate-sounding short little whines. He imagined countless people (men) watching him, devouring the picture he made with greedy eyes and tight fists, getting off to the _ fantasy _of him, fantisising about what it might feel like to fuck him, what he might look like with their cock up his arse rather than his own fingers, thinking probably that they could wring out even sweeter sounds out of him with a proper cock, like some of Phil’s viewers said to him all the time.

He was feverish with the thought, the sensations, he wasn’t sure he’d ever been this hard (he’d certainly never sounded this desperate, this _ needy _ before), and the stray thought of Phil’s viewers made him think of _ Phil _ and what if _ he _was watching too? Pretty much everything Dan knew of camming he’d learnt from him. Would he think Dan was good at it? Would he be proud? 

_ Would he want me too? _

The thought settled like an itch under his skin, setting him on fire. He unclenched the hand gripping wrinkled cloth to grip himself, felt his cock twitch as soon as it was (finally, _ finally _ ) given some attention, and he tried to go slowly at first but he couldn’t, he couldn’t, the pleasure had been building for _ so long _, so he just thrust into his fist and fucked himself on his fingers and imagined being watched and wanted and desired for all of it until the pleasure undid him. Wave after debilitating wave, all he could do was lie there and let it wreck him, and whine through it. 

He was left in a messy, sweaty, shaky tangle, quite sure that he’d just had the single most intense orgasm of his life and wondering if he’d even be able to walk to the bathroom for cleanup before his parents came home from work. 

(He was, eventually, but it was a close thing.)

\--

Okay, so he’d discovered he had an exhibitionist kink. No big deal. It didn’t mean he had to _ do _anything about it. 

Sure, he liked the _ idea _ of being watched by people who found him attractive, but that didn’t mean he’d necessarily enjoy the _ reality _of it… Not to mention, exposing himself in the way that he’d been imagining - by doing a camshow where strangers could watch him - worked great as a fantasy, but who knew what kind of people he might attract... What if he got awful comments instead of praising ones? What if no one turned up? What if they didn’t even like him? 

The thought caused a ball of anxiety to settle somewhere around his lower chest, much as he tried to dismiss it. This kind of thing self-regulated, right? If someone checked him out and didn’t like him, they’d just leave to find someone more to their taste… 

Well, _ that _thought didn’t help at all. With a grimace, he pictured a stream of people opening his camshow only to leave moments later, when they saw what he looked like, or heard how awkward he was. That’d be even worse than no one showing up.

And why was he still thinking about this, anyway? It wasn’t like he was actually going to go ahead and do it. It was just a crazy idea. 

He didn’t _ really _want to do it. And he couldn’t, anyway. It’d be a disaster. 

And who knew how dangerous it might be. Better to file the thought away for wanking purposes and move on to more realistic endeavours in the real world.

...Right?

\--

Apparently not.

He could not stop thinking about it. 

Every time he got off, even when he was watching Phil’s shows (and Phil’s shows were as captivating as they came), his mind drifted to this shiny new fantasy of his. He imagined himself in Phil’s place, imagined that the comments and tips were for him, (imagined that Phil was watching him, one of his regulars, that Phil was thinking about him when he grabbed and tugged and teased his own skin, when he lost himself in the pleasure, when he moaned and shuddered so prettily, when he talked about his future boyfriend).

And it wasn’t just that he was fixated on the sexual fantasy (though, that was how it got started). No, he’d started actually thinking about it. What it might entail. How it might go, as a job. How often he’d have to do it to live off it. 

He didn’t actually know if it would be viable as a way to make money, as a lot depended on whether people tuned in to watch him, and he couldn’t predict that. But surely it had to be a more attractive prospect than his shitty job at Asda, which he was barely holding on to as it was.

Going by the terms and conditions posted on the camming site (which he’d obsessively read several times over, heart in his throat and cheeks burning and feeling foolish and young and inexperienced), he’d get a fixed rate for number of subscribers, but the amount was negligible unless you were one of the heavy hitters. The real money would come from tips and private shows, and Dan was not sure he was ready to try doing private shows yet.

He wasn’t sure that he was ready to do any of it, if he was honest, but the more he thought about it, the more he was certain that he wanted to _ try _ . He _ wanted _this.

It was a bit mad, yeah. Not the sort of thing you could bring up at Sunday tea time with grandma, that’s for sure. Not the sort of thing you could list on your resumé as a professional lawyer, either. And that wasn’t even going into the matter of romantic relationships, and how potential partners might feel about it. 

It was atypical, socially transgressive, scorned and undervalued by mainstream society; in a word, it was decidedly _ queer _, in every sense of the word, but damn it if that wasn’t Dan all over. 

That’s how he felt, anyway. 

Maybe he should embrace it. 


	2. research me, obsessively

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> sometimes you just have to research the thing/person you have been obsessively thinking about

He tried doing more research, and he found some good sources online (mostly accounts from people in the ‘business’). But a lot hinged on the specific site you used, and despite his findings he was left with a lot of questions. The best resource would be to talk to one of the camboys on the site, but that likely would be difficult. Why would any of them want to take the time to give tips to the competition, after all?

He toyed with some ideas about how he might contact one of them, but he knew who he really wanted to ask. Was it weird to send a request for tips of the trade to your favourite camboy? Dan figured it made more sense than contacting someone he didn’t watch, at least. 

Phil got loads of questions on every online account he’d made public, normally of the explicitly sexual variety, but sometimes ordinary stuff too. He’d answered questions about his music taste and about video games and tv shows before, and even once answered that he had a sibling. (Not that Dan was a _ stalker _or anything, he just was interested, that was all.) Maybe he’d answer a question about this if Dan asked?

\--

Today was the day. 

Dan had gotten a weekend job at Asda about a week before his 18th birthday. He had also got a bank account (along with a debit card) a week later to have somewhere to put his paychecks. (And if the first thing he’d done with his shiny new paycheck and debit card was to buy a subscription to a camming site, well, that was nobody’s business but his own.) He had worked diligently every weekend since then just for this moment in late July. His family wasn’t home, he had just been paid, and Phil (according to Twitter) was online, doing a show. Phil had been noticing him more and more during the shows and in Twitter messages and now he had the perfect time to indulge in a late birthday present to himself. 

He didn’t bother opening the homepage of the cam site, clicking instead on the link titled “Research” on his favorites bar, and was directed to what was probably one of his most visited sites ever since he had upgraded to a paying subscriber on the site. Phil’s page on the cam site loaded in front of him and he clicked on the stream that was currently happening. His fingers were shaking with excitement as he watched Phil appear on the screen. 

Phil was already in the middle of performing, teasing the edge of the hem of his shirt, lifting it up and down, saying he would take it off after he reached $50 in tips. Dan watched him for a minute; the way his tongue stuck out the side of his mouth as he teased the audience, how one of his pale hands slid under his shirt and went upwards, teasing his audience with the fact that he could touch himself but they couldn’t see how. Dan tipped 5 pounds and felt his face heat up as Phil thanked him directly. He wondered if Phil would still thank him after he requested a private show, if he would still get a smile and a wink-that-is-a-blink. 

Would Phil think he was being creepy? 

Dan hoped not considering it was one of the button options in the room along with emoticons and the tip button. He opened up another window and opened it to Phil’s page again, making sure to read over the pricing rate (three pounds a minute) of Phil’s private shows and his guidelines once more. The highest Dan was willing to go before his dad would probably start asking questions about his spending habits was fifty pounds so that got him roughly fifteen minutes. Dan has come much quicker to Phil than fifteen minutes. He could come in ten minutes and still have time to ask him some questions about camming. 

With shaky fingers (_ damn nerves coming back to him _), Dan switched back to the tab where Phil was now shirtless and running a finger up and down his happy trail above his jeans. God, Dan wanted to feel it against his forehead as he swallowed Phil down and- focus Howell. It’s now or never. This was fine, there was nothing to worry about, he thought as he moved his cursor to hover over the button to request a live show. He breathed in and out twice before hitting it. 

He heard a sound echo in Phil’s stream that was different from the normal string of dings from the chat that ran alongside the stream, which he assumed meant that his request went through. He entered his information, carefully typing in the numbers and inputting how many minutes he wanted the private show to be. 

“Ah, sorry guys. Duty calls,” Phil said with a small wave of his hand. “But I’ll be back in a little while!”

Dan’s screen had a pop-up appear, asking if it was okay for xoxoAmazingPhiloxox to open up a private chat window. Dan clicked on the yes button and waited with anticipation for the screen to load. He had a moment of panic, glancing at his webcam to make sure it was turned on. Originally he’d wanted to have the camera turned off but after debating it for literal weeks (he had a lot of time to think at his 6am stocking shift), he decided that since Phil had probably seen his face on Twitter when replying to tweets, he might as well see it on the private chat as well. He was in the middle of checking his fringe as the crappy connection on the site loaded when suddenly he heard Phil’s cheerful voice cut in.

“Hello Danis!”

“Uh, er, he-hello” Dan brilliantly emoted. “My name is Dan. Actually. Not Danis.”

“Not Danis,” Phil repeated tilting his head to the side. “No, definitely not a Danis, you don’t look like one.”

“Oh, you know so many?” Dan asked with a nervous smile, finally pulling his hand down from his fringe, making eye contact with Phil and _ wow _ . The stare felt like so much more after months of knowing his name was just another name scrolling across the screen. Dan stared, losing himself in Phil’s eyes ( _ which had three colours _, he heard Phil’s voice in the back of his head from a previous liveshow), and totally missed Phil’s response.

“I’m sorry, what?” Dan asked, resisting the urge to rub the back of his neck or try to look at his face to see if it was red. He could feel it heating up but he didn’t want to know how bad it was. Maybe he could pass it off as being naturally ruddy? 

“I said people like you don’t normally have names like Danis,” Phil said with a laugh. The sound sat low in Dan’s stomach and he could feel himself heating up for another reason. Phil wasn’t even saying anything_ dirty _ , and Dan’s body _ ached _ for this man he was having his first conversation with. Because Phil, Dan thought as he stared at the small tuft of hair on his chest, was a _ man _ and Dan wanted to sit in his lap and press his bare chest against Phil’s and feel it scrape against him as they kissed and-.

“I’d usually call people like you baby,” Phil continued, staring into Dan’s eyes. Dan was in a tee-shirt and boxer-briefs, but he felt _ boiling _ under Phil’s stare and wanted to pull his shirt off. “Or maybe sweetheart.”

Dan felt he nails dig into his upper thigh, his hand so close to what he wanted to touch.

“What do you want me to do sweetheart? Hmm,” Phil said, licking across his lower lip. Dan felt himself mirror Phil, his lips feeling dry and chapped as he was faced with Phil. It was so easy for Dan to get lost in his own fantasy of the emo boyfriend he had never had when he was 14 and 15. Maybe it was their first time, maybe this was going to be their first time together, they’d met up and now they were in Dan’s room and-

“Hey sweetheart,” Phil’s voice cut into his daydream and Dan opened his eyes. Phil was smiling at him and he tried not to flinch under the look on Phil’s face. He looked amused, like Dan was too young to be doing this and Phil knew that and oh god, this was such a bad idea and-.

“Hey, hey, are you okay Dan,” Phil asked, his voice gentle and soft. “We don’t have to do anything that makes you uncomfortable. Sometimes I just talk to people in private shows, nothing sexy. We can just talk if you want? But first can you breathe with me, mate?”

Dan nodded and finally slowed his breathing down to match what he could see of Phil’s exaggerated breathing on the screen. Phil beamed at him when he was done and told him ‘good job’. Dan tried not to beam too hard under the praise.

“How are you so. You know,” Dan said, twirling his wrist to wave his hand like he expected Phil to understand what he meant by body language alone. “Good at the breathing thing.”

Phil snorted and mimicked Dan’s wave back at him. 

“I know it’s going to be shocking,” Phil said as he gestured down to how he was half-naked and wearing skinny jeans. Dan tried to keep his eyes focused on Phil, but his eyes did wander down to Phil’s nipples. They were cute, okay? “But I’m actually a pretty anxious person. You can’t tell anyone though; it will ruin the illusion.”

Phil gave him one of his awkward winks and Dan tipped his head back in laughter because really, being anxious was going to ruin the illusion? He heard an intake of air over the speaker and he looked back at the screen to see Phil staring intently at him, a hand clenched on his thigh. Dan tilted his head to the side a little to see if Phil would do it again but was rewarded with only Phil’s eyes moving to his neck instead of any noises. 

“So how did someone anxious get into camming,” Dan asked, trying to hide his disappointment at Phil’s lack of an audible reaction. 

“It just seemed appealing,” Phil shrugged, before looking to the side, giving a little snort. He unbuttoned his pants before laying back on his bed and slowly peeled off his tight skinny jeans. “Ap_ peel _ing.”

Dan groaned at the horrible pun and stared at the tight boxer-briefs Phil was wearing today, feeling his boner slowly come back to life. He clutched himself over the fabric and let out a groan. 

“I hate that I found that hot, especially after that pun. You should be ashamed of yourself,” Dan said, not moving his hand, enjoying the weight there for a moment, imagining that it was Phil’s instead of his own hand. Would there be callouses, would it be smooth, would they need lube? Dan had so many questions about how it would feel to be with Phil. A man. Both, but mainly with Phil. This man in particular. 

“Why would I be ashamed when it got a cute guy hard,” Phil asked, gripping himself through his underwear, mirroring Dan. 

“Because that pun was unappealing,” Dan said with the straightest face that he could muster but he felt his face twitching in amusement and his face flush at the compliment. He was watching Phil and his eyes couldn’t look away from the bulge in Phil’s pants. He gave himself another squeeze and imagined himself sucking on the fabric of Phil’s boxers, teasing his hardness. Did Phil’s precome taste as bitter as Dan’s (look, don’t judge, he had been curious)? Could he taste it through the fabric? Dan’s mind kept racing and he looked at Phil’s face, noticing how it was red and how his freckled shoulder shifted.

“Is it hard,” Dan blurted out. 

“You tell me,” Phil said as he slowly pulled down his boxers.

“No. I mean, yes, it is, it looks really nice too, but is being a camboy hard?”

“Are… are you not into this,” Phil asked, pulling his boxer briefs back up and giving Dan a pout.

“I am! Like you have no idea how into it I am. But I have five minutes left and I wanted to ask you for some tips.”

“Tips?”

“You know. Camboy tips.”

“You… you spent money to ask for tips on how to be a camboy,” Phil asked in an incredulous tone. 

“Well, yeah,” Dan said, giving a definitive nod as he met Phil’s confused look dead on. Was this a first for the other? Was this not how camming was normally done? Were there no mentors? Did people really just wake up one day and decide that they wanted to be a camboy? Had Dan overthought the whole process and it was that easy?

Phil was quiet as he examined Dan’s face. Dan figured he found whatever it was he was looking for as Phil gave a sigh and ran a hand through his hair. He paused and held up a finger, before Dan heard the loud clacking of keys.

“Sorry, I figure this is going to take a bit. What do you want to know,” Phil said as he tugged back on his shirt. Dan tried not to mourn the loss of all that beautiful pale skin being on display.

“Er, I only have three minutes left,” Dan gently reminded Phil.

“I’m not charging you for this part. So I owe you five minutes of dirty talk at some point,” Phil said with a shrug and Dan felt his heart both ease and constrict at the same time. “However, the site charges, so here’s my skype. U-n-a-m-a-z-n-g-p-h-i-l-x-o. I’ll hear from you soon?”

“Yes, yes. Probably too soon,” Dan said as he scribbled Phil’s username down on what he was pretty sure were his hiring papers but they were the closest thing to him. 

“I look forward to it,” Phil said with a smile and a curse. “Let me finish this show and I’ll answer you. Bye Daniel.”

“Dan,” Dan said with a breathless tone that he wished wasn’t so obvious. 

“Bye Dan,” Phil said with a wave and the private show was disconnected.

“Fuck,” Dan whispered softly as he laid back on his bed for a minute. His heart felt like it was going a million miles an hour and his face was burning. He couldn’t help it; Phil had paid attention to him, had given him the time of day and was going to give him tips later for free. He sat up a few minutes later when his head felt like it would stop spinning and opened up Skype. He carefully typed in Phil’s username and sent a message.

‘_ hey, this is danisnotonfire (dan) from the private show. i’m really excited about those tips xD _’

He took the time in between sending the message and Phil responding to use the restroom, stare in the mirror for twenty minutes to make sure he didn’t have any spots or look dreadful, and get comfortable on his bed. He was sitting criss-crossed, leaned back against his headboard when the loud sound of a Skype ringtone echoed through his room. It was from Phil, which Dan was expecting, but he still jumped and felt his heart rate pick up when he saw his username flash across the screen of his laptop. He accepted the call and tried to look nonchalant, but felt he missed the mark when his whole body was tensed as he waited for Skype to load the video call. 

‘_ When did seconds become eons _’ he thought as the screen finally loaded and Phil’s face came on the screen, much more clear than the server they had been using on the site. Dan smiled as Phil gave what was a familiar wave. He was actually almost uncomfortable when he didn’t hear Phil’s normal liveshow greeting of ‘hi guys!’. 

“Hey Dan, hope I didn’t keep you waiting too long,” Phil said, his face slightly flushed and his shoulders looking far too relaxed compared to his worried looking face. Dan could bet that meant Phil had probably come at the end of the camshow and that led to his relaxed posture and Dan felt jealous for a moment that he didn’t watch the show. He wished he had got to hear Phil moan and watch him shudder, imagining it was _ him _ making Phil do that. But no one else from the show got to see Phil like this, clear and staring at them with his three coloured eyes.

“No worries, I took care of some stuff,” Dan assured Phil to make the slightly guilty lip bite go away. Dan watched Phil’s teeth let go of his lip and had to suppress a visible reaction when the man beamed at him. 

Dan wanted to kiss that smile, see if it tasted like the sunshine it reminded him of. 

“How did the rest of the show go,” is what Dan asked instead. 

“I think it went okay,” Phil said, giving a smirk that Dan tried to commit to memory. “Made out with a decent amount of cash, had a couple interesting questions. No other private shows. All in all, a boring nice.”

“Oh, nice to know I’m boring,” Dan joked automatically before wincing. It was too early in talking to Phil to be his typically self-deprecating self. 

“See, _ I _ said the rest of the show; _ you _weren’t boring at all,” Phil said, his eyes meeting Dan’s. Dan could see himself going a little red in the small window that showed him and he tried to think unsexy thoughts to combat Phil’s eyes. Dead animals, bullies from school, his nan doing the macarena naked. 

That did the trick.

“Ah, well,” Dan stuttered before coughing into the crook of his elbow. “Thank you?”

“It’s not everyday you get someone asking for tips to become a camboy,” Phil continued on. “So, see? Not boring. Now, young padawan, what can I teach you?”

Dan felt himself smile at Phil’s nerdy reference, at how natural and _ authentic _ Phil was acting with him. He didn’t seem to be putting on a sexy persona or acting a certain way to try and impress Dan and it was intoxicating to think he was getting a glimpse at the _ real _ Phil. 

“Well, what’s the pay like?” Dan asked, thus beginning a long night of back and forth between the experienced and the slowly falling.

\--

The first step was the easiest one, but it still felt like a leap: creating the account. A new account, not as a customer of the site, but as the ‘talent’, as it were. He spent way too much time trying to come up with a new username, but after that, it was fairly simple. He linked it to his new debit card, filled out some contact information and just like that it was done. 

He wasn’t ready to use it yet. Not quite. But he’d officially started forward on this path now, and the awareness of it made him giddy.

\--

\--

_ Saturday, June 13 _

**[5:43 pm]**

**danisnotonfire:** hey sorry to bug you again so soon but how do you

**danisnotonfire:** you know

**danisnotonfire:** keep it a secret from your parents

**unamazingphilxo:** carefully, lol

**unamazingphilxo:** but in all seriousness, just don’t go flaunting it around and u should b fine

**danisnotonfire:** oh good subtlety, my specialty, lol

**unamazingphilxo:** oh, r u loud??

**danisnotonfire:** biggest complaint from my teachers

**unamazingphilxo:** it’s not always a bad thing

**danisnotonfire:** lol, tell that to my classmates’ ear drums

**danisnotonfire:** they’ve never been the same

_ Monday, June 15 _

**[11:05 pm]**

**danisnotonfire:** ur show tonight killed me

**unamazingphilxo:** lol

**danisnotonfire: **it’s not funny : ( i want to learn how to murder an audience

**unamazingphilxo:** u will, trust me

**unamazingphilxo:** do you want a few tips?

**danisnotonfire:** …

**danisnotonfire:** yus

**unamazingphilxo:** easiest trick is pretending ur alone

**unamazingphilxo:** do what feels good to u and it will look and feel authentic

**unamazingphilxo:** people love it when it doesn’t look fake

_ Wednesday, July 1st _

**[7:45 pm]**

**unamazingphilxo:** ugh, i dont want to cam tonight

**unamazingphilxo:** no one can make me

**danisnotonfire:** ah, i was looking forward to this all day

**danisnotonfire:** that tweet was saucy

**unamazingphilxo:** i could do a private show just for you

**danisnotonfire: **i can’t afford that : ((

**[8:02 pm]**

**unamazingphilxo:** it could b for free? promise ; )

**danisnotonfire:** tempting, but ill feel bad

**unamazingphilxo:** y

**danisnotonfire:** because ur supposed to pay to see art ; ) 

**unamazingphilxo:** when are you going to start then because i’d love to see some

Dan smiled as he read back through some of Phil and his conversations. A lot of the earlier conversations were stilted, very much staying on the conversation of camming. But Dan couldn’t tell if he wore him down or if Phil was just a friendly, talkative guy, because after a week, they were talking like friends. Now, after nearly two months of talking, Dan couldn’t imagine a day going by without telling Phil about everything going on from the job he hated, to the music he was listening to, or the video game he was doing another play through of. 

He would feel worse, and childish, about his conversation topics if Phil didn’t enthusiastically talk back to him about those topics too. Last night they had put on Skype video call and did their own thing (Dan creating a playlist for his dream emo concert experience while Phil read a new Stephen King anthology), occasionally talking to each other. Mainly they just… well Dan just wanted to know that Phil was _ there _. It was clingy and a little cringey, but Dan loved every minute of that four and a half hour phone call that only ended because Dan’s dad hammered on his shut door to shut up around 2 am.

He got on his personal Twitter, the non-cam related one, and typed out a tweet, a smile not leaving his face the whole time.

**danisnotonfire:** four and a half hour skype calls are the best

\--

About a month and a half after Dan’s birthday, Dan had enough money saved up to buy a decent camera. It wasn’t top of the line or anything, since he wasn’t sure how committed he was going to stay to this venture, but it didn’t look super fuzzy when connected to his computer, which he considered a win. It had been the one point Phil had hammered into his head since their _ first _ (and it still shocked Dan that Phil had talked to him any time he would message him with a random question) conversation: invest in a good camera because there is no point if you look choppy and blurry. 

“It turns people off if your camera is super choppy looking or blocky and they tend not to tip well if they can’t see you,” Phil had said, locking eyes with Dan. “Also make sure your lighting is decent. You’d be surprised at the difference between basic lighting and what an extra lamp can do.” 

Dan was currently standing in front of his desk, trying to figure out the lighting problem. He didn’t want to spend the money on an extra lamp, sure he would have to explain that to someone eventually since he liked to “live in a cave” (thanks Adrian and Mum) and use as little lighting as possible. If he did it in the daylight, the lighting wasn’t horrendous, but did he really want to stay awake after his shift at Asda to cam, especially since… surely no one was on at 8 am? And that was the whole reason he was doing this in the first place, wasn’t it? To feel seen? 

He groaned in defeat after five more minutes and sent a message to Phil, telling him that he had finally bought himself a new camera, but wasn’t sure a) how to use it, and b) how to make the lighting work. He wasn’t expecting Phil to get back to him within ten minutes, especially since he had done a show last night. 

**unamazingphilxo** **: **proud of u for buying a camera. Wat do u mean you can’t get lightng to work

**danisnotonfire** **: **r u awake, lol

**danisnotonfire** **: **the lighting keeps looking like shite

**unamazingphilxo** **: **im awake but like a zombie. brains omnomnom

**danisnotonfire** **: **oh noes, don’t eat my brain

**unamazingphilxo** **: **show me what you look like on camera

Dan didn’t even pause, calling Phil on Skype and feeling the usual rush of nerves catch up with him as he did; thankfully he was becoming more comfortable and less twitchy with it the more he and Phil talked. And they’d been talking a lot lately, Dan thought with a smile. 

He took a few steps back from the desk his computer was perched on so Phil could get the full picture. Dan was poking at one of his collarbones when the other came online, and waved at Phil.

“Is this too far away?” Dan asked, able to speak at full volume since his parents were gone for the day and Adrian had stayed at a friend’s the night before. 

“No, it’s actually the best I’ve ever heard you,” Phil said before laughing at (what Dan assumed was) his own pout. “Sorry, normally you’re a whispery lil mouse.”

Phil stopped talking to whisper genuine nonsense into the airwaves for a moment before his own giggling got too loud to continue his teasing. “You also look better too.”

Dan snorted at the compliment, feeling a little self conscious as he watched Phil look him up and down. He was shirtless and dressed in a pair of comfy sweatpants, trying to relax after work today. He sucked his stomach in as much as he could without having to start breathing laboriously and he heard Phil snort.

“I saw that! You don’t have to worry about anything, you look good,” Phil said, without breaking eye contact, licking against his lower lip. He sounded genuine, and Dan treasured the compliment; he could feel the smile forming on his face without permission and knew he was fucked. 

Trying to shake himself out of it, Dan thought back to some of the conversations Phil and him had been having about how to perform on screen. 

Dan reached up without breaking eye contact and dragged a few fingers from his left collarbone across his chest until it reached his right nipple. Dan was gratified to see Phil’s lips part as he tracked Dan’s fingers movements. “So how’s the lighting looking?”

“Hmm,” Phil said, not looking away from his fingers as they pinched a nipple, Dan’s neck tilting to the left to try and create a dynamic pose. Dan smirked and pulled his fingers away.

“The lighting in my room. Does it look okay?” Dan asked, putting on his most innocent face.

“You’re such a little shite,” Phil muttered before his face went considering. “You might need a lamp mate. Like it looked nice, but it’s also ten am.”

Dan groaned and put a lamp on his list of things to buy for university.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> liveshows, liveshows, and more liveshows
> 
> also maybe meeting live

Move in day had finally arrived. 

Dan hadn’t slept the night before, his nerves keeping him up, wondering what college was going to be like. He was strung tight, which made for a tense car ride up to Manchester where he bickered with his dad over the radio station at least three times and the directions a few other times as well while his mum was doing her best to ignore them both by reading a book. Dan wished his dad hadn’t come with them or, at the very least, wished he could have gone in Nan and Popsie’s car so he could ignore the way his parents hadn’t said more than five words to each other the whole car ride. Instead, he jiggled his leg and did his best not to throw himself out of the car as it inched its way up north.

Getting to his dorm should have been a relief, but it put him more on edge. These weren’t the same people that he had grown up with his whole life, the ones who had tormented him about something he couldn’t change no matter how hard he had tried and prayed and bargained. Would these new people be able to recognize that there was this… otherness to him that made people pick on him, or think he was annoying? Would he have to spend the next four years here hiding away and hoping that nobody would threaten to set his shit on fire?

As soon as his parents had gone (after a few stand offs about where to put _ Dan’s _ stuff and a long hug from everyone but Adrian and his dad), Dan finally deflated. He knew he should go introduce himself, he knew that, but instead he set up his XBox and tried to ignore the world for a few hours. 

A few hours turned into three days of him almost exclusively playing Halo and ignoring every text message and phone call that came through. When he finally emerged from his video game haze, he started answering texts in order. He felt the butterflies start going wild in his stomach when he realized that there were two missed Skype calls from Phil sitting there. Without hesitation he ignored the few people ahead of Phil, including his own mum to message Phil back immediately.

_ hey sorry i’ve been mia, just got to university _

Dan paused, unsure if he should lie and say he was making friends. His decision was taken away from him by a ping on his phone showing that he had received a message back from Phil.

_ oh that’s cool!! making a ton of friends? i know the best way to do that was leaving my door open and waiting for people to walk by and accost them with candy _

_ yeah, i’ve been trying something similar, _Dan lied as he stared guiltily at the door that had remained shut since his family had left three days ago unless he had to use the loo. 

_ well, i’m glad you’re having fun : ) _

Dan thought about it silently for a second before eyeing the bag that held his barely used camera. He was alone, he was out of his parents' house, no one was going to bother him if the past few days had proved anything. And if he was being perfectly honest, he’d been thinking of little else since he’d arrived. He’d made up his mind already. He wanted this. 

The only thing he’d done other than unpack and play video games had been, in fact, to set up the lights and figure out a good place to hang them as well as the best place to set up his camera for a camshow. The nerves and excitement from trying out a few places and seeing what he’d look like from different angles had actually led to a very satisfying wank that first night in his new room.

He’d already made his decision, he only had to go through with it now. He took a steadying breath and took the plunge. 

‘_ I could be having more fun ;) _’ Dan finally wrote back before setting his phone down and digging out his camera. He quickly made his bed into something less resembling a deranged person’s nest before taking the time to balance his camera on the desk across from his bed, just as he’d decided two nights ago. When he was satisfied with the angle, he took the time to log into his new account on the camming website, danisnotinteresting. He nervously navigated to the screen that he had only ever explored but had never used: Go Live. He confirmed that yes, he was over 18, yes that was his bank account information and yes, he had read and agreed to the Terms and Services of Use Agreement. After that, he hesitated over the button that said go live and inhaled before clicking it. 

His senses were assaulted. There was so much on this end of the screen: his frame, the chat window, the area below the chat window that kept a “tally” of how much money he was making. It also kept a tally of how many people were in the chat. He used his phone to carefully type the link into a message on Skype and sent it to Phil with the accompanying comment of _ ‘Let’s see if your training worked _.’

Dan crossed the room and posed on his bed, sitting on his knees. His fingers came up and slowly traced the outline of his collarbone through his shirt, trying to get himself in the mood. He imagined instead that it was Phil touching him and felt himself shudder when his fingers came up and traced along the base of his neck. He wondered if Phil had clicked the link and was watching him already.

“Hullo everyone,” Dan finally spoke, still tracing around his collarbone. “My name is Dan.” He pulled his hands away from stroking his clothed chest and tried to make a heart in front of his chest but his body betrayed him after days of gripping his XBOX controller, making brackets instead of a cutesy heart. There went ‘_ don’t be too formal _’, Dan thought idly as he tried to recover from that flub. He heard Phil’s voice in his head, telling him to be relaxed and Dan felt anything but relaxed because how was he supposed to relax? He was asking people to judge him! He paused and took a deep breath and tried to get back in the mood.

This might have been easier if he had actually started out horny instead of trying to get horny during the show. Phil had said that he would use the shows as his outlets for wanking and it was easier to do them when he was horny and Dan needed to focus on the show and not on what Phil had said. He had stopped moving entirely and if there was anyone watching (he couldn’t see the screen from this far away) they probably thought he was going mental. He took another deep breath and looked back towards the camera, giving it a smile. 

“Sorry about that. It’s… well, it’s my first time,” Dan said, biting at his lower lip nervously, his hands fiddling with the bottom hem of his shirt. “I just want to make sure I’m doing good for you, y’know?”

He pushed his shirt up a little, a teasing shot that showed a portion of his lower stomach and the (admittedly) sparse happy trail that resided there. He dragged his nails across his lower belly and felt the faintest hint of arousal start in him, causing him to shiver. Could they see that? Was anyone watching? Could they see his little shiver? Were they getting off on him slowly getting turned on? Dan could feel his heartbeat kicking up a notch at the thought and he reached down to squeeze himself through his pajama pants. He let out a quiet moan before looking back and forth and giggling.

“Sorry, trying to make sure I don’t wake up my dormmates. I’ve been told I’m pretty loud,” Dan said with a little shrug before giving himself a squeeze and tilting his neck backwards to show off his neck better, remembering the times that Phil would stare at his neck when they were talking. He let out a dramatic moan, just loud enough the travel across the room. He smiled as he started to hear the familiar dinging noise of people talking in the chat. “Sorry guys, I’m kind of far away from my laptop, but thank you guys for trying to chat with me. I promise I’m not trying to ignore you.” 

Dan licked his lower lip and stripped off his shirt. He looked down and noticed his nipples were redder than normal. He pinched one and let out a low groan that caused him to thrust his hips jerkily forward everytime he adjusted the hold.

“Normally my nipples aren’t sensitive but I haven’t touched myself in a few days. Maybe it’s pent up arousal,” Dan thought aloud, his breathing picking up as he heard more pings across the room on his laptop. He giggled again, euphoria coursing through his veins, imagining all the eyes on him. What did they look like? What did _ he _ look like to _ them _? Dan thought he was being sexy. Phil had told him that if he was doing things that he enjoyed, what felt good to Dan, people would enjoy it too. 

Now, with Phil in his head, imagining his pale hands against Dan’s heated skin, he gave both of his nipples a pinch this time and whined loudly before looking around guiltily. He looked back to the camera on his desk and gave a sheepish smile. “See, I told you. Loud.”

Dan wiggled a hand inside his sweats, thrusting forward into it as he pinched his abused right nipple. He felt himself breathing heavy and he bit his lower lip to avoid moaning again so soon after being loud. He hadn’t met the neighbour to his right yet and the last thing he needed was to be judged because he was wanking at 4 pm like a sex maniac. He looked back at the screen. He couldn’t see the exact number of people but he could see that the chat was scrolling at a decent pace. 

Dan thought on it for a moment and reluctantly pulled his hand away from his dick in order to push down his sweats and pants. He wanted to get off _ now _ . It wasn’t going to be anything slow or graceful, he just wanted to get off and see if it felt better knowing that people were watching. He had a feeling it would be, since he wasn’t even naked yet and he was warm all over, feeling boiling, like the nights of some of his best orgasms, courtesy of Phil. Not that Phil _ knew _ that, but Dan did and _ oh _. 

That was a thought. 

Imagining Phil sitting there behind him, showing Dan off and jerking Dan off for the camera. Dan gasped as he got his sweats off and put his hand _ finally _ back on his dick. He quietly whined and clumsily thrust into the heat of his palm. Fuck, he didn’t have lube out, having not entirely planned this out in his desperation to try out being live on the site and his hopes that the spontaneity helped him bypass the overthinking and the anxiety of making himself vulnerable in this way. 

Looks like it was going to be spit, Dan thought as he pulled his hand away to lick it messily, taking the time to wet his fingers as well as his palm, to coat his whole hand for an easier slide, before going back to jerking himself off.

“Sorry guys if that wasn’t pretty,” Dan whispered, before coughing and repeating himself a tad louder. “I just. I haven’t gotten off in so long and I’m so _ desperate _ for it. It’s been like two days and my skin is on fire and I feel like I’m going to explode. I just wanna come.”

Dan was whining on his last sentence, still imagining he was seated in Phil’s lap and Phil was jerking him off for all these people. God, would he have Phil_ inside _ him as well? Would he be desperately squirming around, seated on Phil’s lap as Phil called him a pretty little slut for getting off for all these people and oh, oh _ oh _-

Dan knew he was being loud as he came, wishing he’d had the foresight to use a pillow to bite down on, but he felt so _ good _. He actually felt relaxed as he shivered through the aftershocks. Dan removed his hand from his dick, looking at the pearlescent liquid left behind it, breathing heavily like he had run a marathon (wasn’t that a laugh). He made eye contact with the camera and licked a stripe off his hand before wiping the rest on his covers. He ignored the slight banging to his right wall, whimpering a little as he pulled his pants back up over his still sensitive dick and walked across the room to his desk, letting out a laugh as he approached.

“I told you guys I would get in troub-.”

Dan stared at the tip count in the bottom corner in complete disbelief. Maybe he was hallucinating. Or dreaming? Maybe someone had put something in his drink… except that he hadn’t spent any time around other people for that to have happened. Still, made more sense that what he was seeing.

\--

\--

He lingered a little after he’d finished getting off like Phil did; but _ unlike _ Phil, he still was nervous and jittery about existing while on camera, and even more so when he realised how many people were watching (analysing his every move, potentially judging him). It was easier when he was caught up in the rush of it all, focused on the fantasy (turned reality!) of people (men) watching him (wanting him). The problem was that once the endorphins slowed down and all that delicious tension was broken, all the doubts and misgivings and insecurities came roaring back to fill the void left behind. Consequently, he hadn’t lingered _ long _.

He’d said goodbye, disconnected, and moved back to the bed with his laptop to explore the results. And again came the disbelief when he clicked on his account; it had him doubting his vision, or his sanity, or reality itself perhaps, because it said right there on his balance page on the site that he somehow, impossibly, had made £132 in tips in the twenty minutes he’d been online. On his_ first ever _ camshow. And that was _ after _ subtracting the site’s cut. He had 391 subscribers. He’d managed a total of 542 viewers for the duration of his broadcast. That was… five hundred and forty two. Dan tried to imagine almost five hundred men all in the same place, how much space they’d take, tried to picture five hundred seats full on a theatre, and all there to see _ him _take center stage and perform for them. 

He was still staring at his screen, dazed, when he got a message from Phil on Skype.

**unamazingphilxo:** daaaaaaan!! that was so good !!! baby’s first camshow i’m so proud!! o(>o<)o

**unamazingphilxo:** n fuck it was so hot, i know what ill be thinking bout tonite as i go to bed *wink wink* (hint: its those fuking noises u make when u come i’ll be thinking of all the ways i could wring those out of u and how i might coax u to make completely new ones ;))

**danisnotonfire:** does senpai approve??? 

**danisnotonfire:** no but rly, u think so? :#

**danisnotonfire:** (u fucking tease, u r never again allowd to call me a little shit for flashing u some collarbone or twisting my nipples a little on skype u r so much worse)

**unamazingphilxo:** mmm...…. maaaaaybe but if you go on liek this then the student will soon surpass the master xoxo

**danisnotonfire:** holy shit i hve like 150 new followrs on my new twitter too??

**unamazingphilxo:** hush u deserve that n more ;)

**unamazingphilxo:** and yea i mean it, that was a whole experience ther i am teasing a little but only by teling u stuff that i rly think k? I promise

Dan was caught between the urge to cry, the impulse to burrow under his blankets and bask in Phil’s praise, and the restlessness that had taken hold of his own body with no direction whatsoever since he’s seen how much money he’d made. Then he absently opened twitter and the urge to cry won, if only a little. A few happy tears won the battle against his eyelashes and fell merrily down his cheeks when he put together what must have happened.

**danisnotonfire:** u shared my camshow link on twitter????

**unamazingphilxo:** and tumblr and dailybooth and on my main page on the site yea

**danisnotonfire:** fuck phil thank u

**unamazingphilxo:** u can ‘fuck phil’ whenever u want bby just name the time and place ;)

**unamazingphilxo:** and ur welcome :3

**danisnotonfire:** <3<3<3<3<3<3<3

Dan gave in to the newfound need to grab his pillow from behind him and let out a little strangled scream into it at that. Phil had sponned him? Well, shit, no wonder he’d done so well on his first show even with zero advertising or followers. Dan took a moment to be grateful that he’d listened to Phil’s advice and created ‘official’ accounts everywhere to advertise his channel and to interact with his viewers and keep engagement as high as possible, because this deluge of follows would be awkward to explain on his personal accounts.

\--

Next order of business was getting an extension cord so that he could have his laptop closer. He _ really _wanted to see what his viewers commented, and he’d noticed after going over the tips (obsessively, and still having some trouble shaking off the feeling that it wasn’t quite real) that Phil had sent him a substantial tip (though not the first one, or even the fifth one, shockingly enough) and that was the sort of thing he wanted to be able to react to in real time.

Seeing the comments made the whole experience even better, even more intense, and he came to crave the sweet fix of eroticised attention he got out of it, every time, without fail. 

\--

Dan was bored. The coursework was boring, his flat mates were busy, and Phil wasn’t answering any of his Skype messages. Instead of doing the best thing, which would be working on said boring coursework, he decided to do what he did best: dick around on the internet. He opened his camming Twitter, the one that had gained a ton of popularity after Phil’s promotion and his first show, and sent out a tweet.

**danisnotinteresting:** you guys should come ask me questions on tumblr : ) http://paldbhd

Dan switched over to his tumblr tab without much thought and mindlessly scrolled, jumping in surprise when he saw a notification for a question up top. He clicked on it immediately, almost scared it would disappear and tried not to sigh.

**anonymous:** show us your dick

Well… it was a bold request, if not a bit rude. But Dan squeezed his dick through his boxers, trying to get it to full hardness so it tented his boxers. He took a picture of it, still confined in his boxers, and attached it to the ask.

**danisnotinteresting:** show me the 16 digits of your card and the photo is all yours :*

After that first ask, it seemed like a floodgate (to Dan) happened and he got another three asks.

**anonymous:** how big are you?

**danisnotinteresting:** i’m slenderman, so eight feet tall and growing

**daddislUt:** what got u into camming?

**danisnotinteresting:** @amazingphil actually. I watched one of his shows and got really interested in camming from the way he communicates with his audience (helps that he’s right fit, dunnit?)

**amazingphil:** show us your dimples; they look infitnite

**danisnotinteresting:** tell us your secrets lobster boy or into the dimple you go [Attached is a zoomed in picture on a dimple]

Dan tried not to beam when he finally got a response from Phil on Skype a few seconds later, figuring he could come back to the tumblr messages in the morning. He woke up to 20, answering them and having so much fun that he ended up missing his morning course. 

\--

It became kind of addictive, performing for people and having a community of people who would ask him questions. Sure, he went to class, but there were also days that he would skip class (when he was positive that his immediate dormmates were out of the house) and stream idly, jerking off slow and just chatting with the people who were online.

Dan had been surprised to learn that there were people across the globe on the site who would watch shows if they like you enough. So Dan would bring out of all his filthiest stories and reasons he was a fail, like he was currently doing. 

“So there I was,” Dan paused dramatically, “terrified I would have to pull on my pants, ignore any shreds of dignity I may have had left to waddle downstairs, and explain to my poor nan that yes, I had used the handle of my brush as an improvised dildo and it had gotten stuck. Yes, I thought it had gotten stuck because I had gotten so nervous that I had just… you know, tightened up. Luckily I have Google and was able to look up other people who had done the same thing and use enough lube to get it unstuck.”

Dan read through the chat and laughed.

“No, no daddiboi89, it was entirely my fault! I was 14, how was I supposed to know you needed to use lube,” Dan said, nearly tipping backwards as he continued to laugh at his younger self’s naivety. He was glad that he was able to laugh about it, but back then he had been absolutely terrified. He looked at his chat and brightened up when he noticed Phil’s username pop up in his stream. 

“Hey AmazingPhil,” Dan said, blowing a kiss to mimic the x’s in Phil’s user name. “You’ve joined just in time for the hairbrush story I told you about last week. Guys, he was such a twat about it and sent me like fifty pictures of hairbrushes trying to see if he could find the exact one.”

**twinkletwinklewannafuck:** r u 2 dating???

**daddilongdick:** god, i wish, that would be so hot 2 watch 

**phillygurl9898**: lolno, phil is so single. he talks abt it sometimes on his channel

Dan felt his smile drop for a second as he read over the question and the speculation that followed from it. It was one he got often in the chat because of how often he would mention conversations he had with Phil offline. Was it annoying when he did that? Should he stop? Did it make Phil feel uncomfortable? Dan gave a little huff and rolled his eyes.

“No, we’re not dating, he’s just my senpai,” Dan said, before his brain got stuck on the image of an anime girl confessing to her older upperclassman. While most of the conversations Phil and him had nowadays were innocent, occasionally Phil would let things slip about his own kinks or things he wanted to try and one of the ones he had mentioned was a bit of feminisation, with his partner wearing skirts or being called a pretty girl and such. Dan hadn’t really heard about it until Phil had mentioned it so then he’d researched it online (okay, he had read a lot of fanfiction on LiveJournal which was just as useful as proper research, only hotter and more fun to do).

Phil had looked ashamed admitting that kink in particular because “_ I’m gay, I like guys, but there’s something in the back of my head that is like “let’s try itl, y’know? I’ve never tried it with a partner but it’d be fun to tick off the bucket list. _ ” Dan shook his head and the image of _ himself _ in the schoolgirl outfit out of his head and went back to talking in the chat, an idea brewing in the back of his head of how to thank Phil for all of his advice.

\--

A few weeks later he sent out a tweet on his camming account, accompanied by the picture of his upper thighs, barely covered by a strip of pleated, gray fabric. 

**danisnotinteresting:** special show tonight! minimum entry is $10. show starts at 7 pm!

Dan knew the price was a little high but well... he had gone a little overboard with his surprise for Phil; he needed to make some of the money back somehow. He would have done it for free, but the costume had cost him a pretty penny, and he’d also spent time painting his nails a light red colour to match the bowtie that came with the top part of the Japanese schoolgirl outfit, and he wanted the validation dammit! He tapped his nails against the back of his phone, impatient for the show to start in fifteen minutes, so he got up and paced around his room for a while. He wondered if he’d have to send the link directly to Phil, after all. He’d planned the show around this time knowing that Phil would be home and that he’d most likely tune in, intrigued by a ‘special show’ that Dan hadn’t discussed with him previously, but what if he hadn’t seen the tweet? Dan had been sure Phil would message him about it, but if he didn’t before the show started, Dan would send him a message to tempt him into it.

Right now in front of the screen of his camera there was a piece of black paper while a playlist played in the background. Dan looked down and for a moment felt ridiculous. He was 18 and wearing a skirt; like, it was breezy and felt comfortable but what was he doing. 

He heard a _ ping! _ from across the room and he was sure the people tuning in heard him shuffle across the room to go read the message on his phone. It was a message from Phil. He let out a breath of relief. So he _ was _watching.

**unamazingphilxo:** $10 mate? r u fucking someone live on camera? 

**unamazingphilxo:** i thought i was going to be your first on camera : ( 

**danisnotonfire:** lol no, just wait and see

**danisnotonfire:** and you’d be my first bloke to go all the way with period .//////////.

Dan looked at the time on his phone, then put it down, ignoring the message that came soon after his (embarrassing) admission. He took a deep breath and walked across the room to sit at the desk, he adjusted the camera to where it should pan from his neck and above and moved the black paper away from his camera lens to reveal his face. He hurriedly reached out and moved his camera up a little higher not to ruin the surprise. 

“Hello everyone,” he said, biting at his lower lip, a little glossy and sparkly in the lighting. It tasted vaguely like vanilla and chemicals but Dan ignored it to keep staring at the camera. 

“It’s good to see you all here,” he said with a little smile, genuinely happy to see how many people were connecting. “I know the price is a little steep today, but I promise you I will make it worth your while, yeah?”. He couldn’t hold back a grin at the thought. Dan had the bad habit of overthinking things and then going overboard when his perfectionist streak demanded it, and he’d gone all out on this one. He had Plans. And he was going to kill it tonight. 

“You see, today is special, because I’m trying out something new…” Dan looked up at the camera from under his lashes as he said this, acting coy and innocent in that way that screamed to anyone watching that it was very much an act, entirely deliberate. “You’ll have noticed I’m wearing lipgloss, I really like how shiny it makes my lips look. What do you think? _ I _ think it’d look even prettier a little smudged,” he rubbed his lower lip slowly with one finger, showing off his painted nail for the camera. “Say, if someone were to guide their cock to my lips and then rub the head against them, that could make the lipgloss a bit messy, yeah? It would smear everywhere and it took me a while to apply it perfectly. I kept getting distracted by all the little glitters in it.”

Dan glanced at the chat. “Oh, really?” Dan smiled widely, deliberately bringing out the dimples and playing up the baby-face sweetness that used to annoy him so much back when he was still trying to fit into some societal ideal of what being ‘manly’ was supposed to look like. Now, he was too busy relishing the dozens of men telling him how gorgeous he was to worry about not looking ‘manly’ or other such nonsense. Hell, the whole point of today’s show was to look the opposite of traditionally manly in the first place. “You like my eyeliner, daddyxan69? Thank you! I worked really hard on it,” he giggled, thinking back on the disaster that was his first try.

“This is a new kink that I only discovered recently, thanks to… someone who shall remain nameless for now, but so far I’d say I’m enjoying it very much, and I’m hoping you will too,” he couldn’t stop a saucy grin at that, thinking of the one specific person that had prompted this, and who he hoped enjoyed it very much indeed. With that, he moved for the big reveal, inching slowly away from the camera to let it catch the top of the Japanese schoolgirl uniform. 

“What do you think? Does it suit me?” he asked playfully as soon as the miniskirt and the bare top of his thighs showed up on camera. It wasn’t supposed to be that short, but Dan was tall enough that it barely covered his arsecheeks. He grabbed the plaited fabric as if to make a curtsy and he spun in place to show off the outfit. Then, he turned around more slowly to let his viewers see just how short the skirt was, and he looked at the camera over his shoulder, letting one finger graze over the side of his thigh and under the skirt, pulling the fabric up tantalizingly slow and revealing the rounded skin of one buttcheek. The white fabric of the panties was nothing but a flash, and then the skirt was back in place. “I really like what it does for my legs. What do you guys think? Does it make my legs look good?”

The chat was pinging faster, and he hadn’t even done much yet. 

“Oh, but you haven’t seen my favourite part yet!” Dan picked up the laptop to move to the bed, and the added distance from the camera allowed the viewers to see his legs. They weren’t completely bare as they might have surmised from the little peek when he’d been showing off his skirt. He was wearing opaque black stockings that reached halfway up to his thighs and left a wide strip of creamy skin visible between the black fabric and the skirt. “I didn’t think I’d like them this much, but they feel so nice?” Dan sat down on his bed and run both hands up from one ankle to the elastic holding the stocking in place. “If you haven’t ever had the chance to touch skin encased all tight and neat in these, then you’re missing out, guys. And it feels even better to be touched through it. If I’m perfectly honest, it’s getting me a bit hot and bothered,” as he talked he ran his hand up and down his other leg, and then shifted both legs over his sheets, enjoying the feeling but making sure not to flash the room yet. All in due time.

He ran his hands down his chest next, smoothing the fabric and glancing at the chat. “Oh, I don’t think I’ll be taking my top off this time, ThunderDickTop. It’s just so pretty? And I put a lot of thought into getting the right one, you know. So this one will be a bit different, I’ve decided. You’ll get to see under my clothes, but I won’t be taking them off completely. Why? Don’t you like how I look in them?” he asked as he put on a pout for the camera, but the next thing he did was reach down to start playing with his skirt again. He didn’t want to give anyone the wrong idea. “And speaking of seeing under my clothes, would you like to see what I’m wearing under this?”

He saw the tips flow, but he held on a little longer, putting all his acting skills into this performance, trying to look playfully petulant and seductive in turns. He read some comments speculating on whether he was wearing panties or his usual boxer briefs, and the thing that finally made him crack was a tip from Phil with the comment ‘_ pls baby you look so good i need to see more of you…..pretty please? youre fucking killing me sweetheart _’.

Dan spread his legs on the bed, leaning back a little, and he reached down to palm his hard on over his skirt, squeezing a little and letting out a delicate moan before he used the same hand to grab the gray fabric with two fingers (nails shining a glossy red and creating a beautiful contrast with the gray) and pulled it back to reveal the white panties and the completely erect cock straining against the fabric.

Fuck, he was hard. He brushed his fingers down, from the head to the base until he reached his balls, fondling them lightly and squirming a bit at the sensation. The fabric of the panties was smooth as silk and it heightened the pleasure of the touch. He rubbed his cock against the heel of his hand a bit desperately, hearing the _ pings _ of the chat and the tips coming in and wondering how true Phil’s comments about wanting to fuck him on camera were. Was he enjoying this? Fuck, Dan really hoped he was. _ Dan _was. He’d barely touched himself and he was already a whiny mess, cock throbbing and leaving a wet spot where it rubbed against the stretchy fabric of his panties. 

He brought his hand away, knowing well this was not how this was meant to go. He had plans, after all. He sighed theatrically and bit his lip again (he’d got a lot of comments from his regular viewers saying they loved it when he did that).

“I’m so wet…,” he whined before he rubbed his legs against the sheets again; he really hadn’t expected the stockings would feel so nice. He pitched his voice a little higher than usual, made it sound as soft and as sweet as he knew how to make it while still sounding like himself. “I wish senpai was here to help me take care of it…” He sighed again, and got one hand under the schoolgirl top to pinch one nipple, flashing his upper stomach and part of his chest. The skirt was high-waisted enough that it hid his happy trail and belly button from view. He’d have been annoyed by it if he didn’t like how it looked on him so much. 

He played with his nipples for a bit, skirt hitched up and hard cock on display where it stretched the fabric of his panties. He wanted this to last, but he was also eager to get to the next surprise, so he gave in to the temptation of rubbing himself through the silken fabric a few times, his head leaning back and eyes closing automatically at the pleasure and bringing his long neck and collarbones into stark relief. He did his best to keep his moans from getting too loud and he mostly managed it. He knew that wouldn’t last.

“Ah, should I sneak my hand inside?” he wondered out loud, struggling a little to focus on the chat again. He teased the underside of the head with one red nail and whimpered. He saw the tips and if he wasn’t so horny he could barely see straight, he would have grinned. “Mmmm, that feels so good… ah, please...”

He racked in more tips and was about to take the panties off when he saw it; Phil had tipped him again. 

**xoxoAmazingPhiloxox**: pls reach inside, touch urself for me, your so pretty bby i wish i was there to do it for u, id do anythign u wanted me to

The words rushed through his body like heat, Phil right there with him, staring at him, unable to look away, telling him how pretty he was, how he made such a pretty girl; Phil reaching out to touch, slipping his hand under his skirt, under the soiled panties and jerking him off while never once taking his eyes off him.

Dan slipped a hand under the panties to touch himself, to wrap his hand around his cock for a few strokes, imagining it was Phil doing it for him. But then he took his hand away and leaned back on his elbows, shifting his weight to slide the panties down a bit, not all the way off but enough for the dark pink flesh of his erection to spring out of it. 

“Ah, fuck,” he whined a little at the sensation. “Aaah, I can’t take it anymore. I want to come so bad,” he said it out loud for his audience, but the desperation behind it was true. He was running out of patience. “Mmm, and I know exactly how I want to do it.”

With that, he rolled swiftly into his knees on the bed, skirt around his waist still so that his ass was perfectly on display, framed by the skirt bunched around his tailbone and the stretched white fabric of the panties digging to the sensitive flesh right under his buttocks. He crawled sensually up the bed and reached behind it, where he’d left his brand new Hitachi Magic Wand ready. To complete the fantasy, he’d chosen a vibrator commonly used by women, one used for external stimulation only. With it in hand, he repositioned himself in the bed, legs spread a bit. He liked the way the panties dug sharply into his upper thighs and he made a mental note to experiment with that later on.

He wrapped his left hand around his cock and gave it a few strokes, precome easing the way enough that the friction was on the right side of burning. He stopped stroking with another whine, since that wasn’t the plan, and he held his dick in place with a loose fist at the base. He turned on the Wand with his other hand and brought it impatiently to touch the head, and even in the lowest setting it had him dropping back into the bed and arching his back involuntarily from the stimulation. He was panting and he couldn’t catch his breath, but he wasn’t willing to stop long enough to sort that out. He shifted his grip on his cock so that he could move the vibrator down from the head and all the way through the underside to the base, then farther down to his balls, and he was mewling, his dick was so hard it was almost painful, except it was good, it was so good, and he could hear the chat going crazy, the_ ding, ding, ding _ coming from his laptop could barely be heard with the way he was keening but he _ felt _it, attuned to it and what it meant by now. 

The hand around his cock had started stroking it without his making a conscious decision to do it. He moved the Wand between his legs, right against his entrance, and he thought the sound that ripped from him might have been a sob. 

Fuck, he needed to come. 

_ Ding, ding, ding, ding _, he heard, and he brought the vibrator back up to where precome had gathered on the head of his prick and touched the knob on the machine that would make it go to a higher setting. He was almost there, so he repositioned the Wand to rest against him like another cock would, with the vibrator positioned directly against the glans and the long handle snug against the length of his cock, and he wrapped one hand around the other side to keep it in place as he rocked his hips against it helplessly. He could only manage short, tight thrusts, and he was aware somewhere in the back of his mind that he’d probably get another noise complaint, but he was too far gone to care. He felt his balls tighten and his stomach muscles clench and then he was coming, and coming, and coming, over his cock and his hands and the toy, and over his pretty skirt and a bit on the schoolgirl top as well, and he was keening throughout it all, and after what felt like a small eternity, it was over and he was laid back on his bed, limp as a ragdoll and sucking in air like a drowning man.

It took him a minute to gather the strength to sit up, straighten his outfit (as much as he could, anyway), and turn to the camera with a very satisfied smile. “Mmm, I’m about ready to pass out now,” he said with a breathy chuckle, “so I think it’s time I signed off. Sorry, no pillow talk this time, guys. I’m worried I’d fall asleep in the middle of it. That was… intense,” he laughed a little, then turned to give the camera one last sultry look. “Not quite as good as senpai I’m sure, but the next best thing, maybe?” He giggled, high on endorphins, did a cutesy little two-finger salute, and cut the stream. 

After he cut the stream, he laid there in his own filth for a moment, listening to the silence in his room. No constant pinging sound, no vibrations, nothing except a relaxed brain. He giggled to himself, turning and rolling his face into a pillow because holy shit he did that. Dan Howell went on the internet in a schoolgirl outfit and came for… a lot of people. Holy fuck, he thought looking at the statistics for his stream. 250 people? 250 people had paid $10 to watch him jerk off for one person.

He slowly lifted himself off of his bed and slowly disrobed, his body still feeling like it was floating after his orgasm. He made the effort to put the clothes in his overflowing hamper (he had been traumatized the first time he tried to use the laundry mat, okay?) before pulling on a pair of sweats. He went and belly-flopped onto his bed, figuring he could wash off the lipgloss and eyeliner after a nice post-orgasm nap.

\--

Waking up the next morning, Dan felt a little disgusting. He had smeared his lipgloss into his pillow as he slept and some had smeared all over his face as he slept. Checking his phone, his eyes widened as he saw the amount of missed notifications from Skype, from Phil in particular. He wasn’t awake, or brave enough, to face those yet, so first he went on Twitter to post a tweet.

**danisnotinteresting:** thank you everyone who watched and participated last night! Is there any other themed live shows you guys would want to see?

After sending the tweet, Dan stared at the notifications again before caving and opening the Skype app. He wished he could have ignored the pull, just for a little longer, but at the same time he couldn’t sit with the anticipation of Phil’s judgement. Did he like it? Did he hate it? Was it too much? Was it not enough? He slowly opened his eyes and was greeted with a barrage of messages from Phil.

**[6:55 pm]**

**unamazingphilxo:** i find it hard to believe you haven’t been with anyone but i’d be honoured to be your first

**[7:05 pm]**

**unamazingphilxo:** dan

**unamazingphilxo:** DAN

**unamazingphilxo:** *heavy breathing*

**[7:45 pm]**

**unamazingphilxo:** holy fuck mate

**unamazingphilxo:** i can’t believe you did that; you looked so pretty

**unamazingphilxo:** was that for me? 

**unamazingphilxo:** if it was for me, definitely confirmed that kink, fuck

**[9:02 pm]**

**unamazingphilxo:** you must be busy because of school but i was wondering

**unamazingphilxo:** would you want to meet up sometime?

**unamazingphilxo:** like for coffee! or i could show you around manchester! 

**unamazingphilxo:** it doesn’t have to be cam related!

**[9:27 pm]**

**unamazingphilxo:** it’s okay if you don’t want to but i

Dan couldn’t breath, his mind racing and overlapping in thoughts. What did the but mean? Was it a typo? He really liked it? Did Phil actually want to meet up? In the flesh? 

Was that a good idea? 

Dan was used to friends getting sick of him, and he didn’t want that to happen if he met Phil, but he also had been talking to the other nonstop for months now, getting to know him. Surely Phil meant it when he said he wanted to meet, wanted to see Dan in person at least half as much as Dan wanted to see him. 

Dan took a minute to stare at his phone before he hit the call button. He couldn’t type right now, his fingers jittering, feeling like he needed to reach out and touch Phil. He couldn’t do that so he figured this was the next best thing. Phil picked up on the fifth ring.

“Hullo,” he answered, his voice slow and his Northern accent stronger than Dan had heard it in a few months. 

“Hey,” Dan said, his tone softening, even to his own ears. “Did I wake you up?”

“A lil bit,” Phil mumbled.

“I’m sorry,” Dan said quietly, trying not to be obnoxiously loud. 

“‘Sokay,” Phil slurred sleepily. Dan felt his heart squeeze as he heard Phil talk to him. It wasn’t the first time but it was the first time he heard it after Phil had said he wanted to see him. It catapulted Dan’s head into fantasies. Is this what it would sound like if Dan woke up next to Phil? Is that something Phil wanted? Sure, he had been flirty and so had Dan but Dan didn’t want to _ assume _or anything and-

“Dan,” Phil said gently, his voice, sadly, sounding much more awake. 

“Did you mean it,” Dan asked, his heart thumping into overtime. 

“Mean what?” Phil asked, sounding confused and Dan knew it, knew it wasn’t true, just something Phil said when he was horny. But Dan, if anything, was a bit of a masochist, so he pressed on. 

“When you said you wanted to see me, did you mean it?” Dan repeated his voice sounding falsely brave to his own ears or maybe that was because all he could hear was his heart pounding. 

“Of course I do, you spork,” came Phil’s immediate answer. “Why wouldn’t I want to meet you?”

Dan bit his tongue, unsure if Phil was in the mood to listen to him list off all the reasons Dan thought Phil wouldn’t want to see him, especially when it included gems like “_ I chew pencils _ ” to “ _ I mumble to myself _”. 

Instead of saying those reasons, Dan just shrugged as he said, ”because I started out as a fan?”

“Well, I’m your biggest fan now, does that mean you don’t want to meet me?” Phil asked.

Dan snorted. “Mate, I’ve always wanted to meet you-.” Dan cut himself off, unsure of how to work space-time continuum to go back in time and erase what he said.

“Well, I want to meet you too,” Phil replied, his tone reassuring. “It doesn’t. It doesn’t have to be…” 

Phil has cut himself off with a frustrated noise and Dan blinked. Normally the only thing to get Phil this worked up was a good debate. Dan felt a burst of confidence at that because this meant Phil was actually affected by this too. Did Dan make Phil as emotionally confused as Phil made Dan? Did Phil stay up at night wondering if the flirting was real too? 

“What if… what if I wanted it to be?” Dan asked, timid, hoping they were on the same page. 

“Yeah,” came Phil’s tone, a little quieter and hopeful. At least, it sounded hopeful to Dan because his tone had been just as hopeful in asking. 

“Yeah,” Dan replied. 

“Then it’s. It’s a thing,” Phil said, causing Dan to snort, but he was grinning wide enough that he was sure he had both dimples showing. 

Because he and Phil had a thing.


	4. do you remember the time, that i kissed you on the manchester eye

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> meeting in the flesh and a meeting of flesh

As Dan left his dorm at 9 in the morning to take the bus to Phil’s, backpack slung over one shoulder and heart stuck in his throat, he thought that maybe he should have pushed through his nerves and asked for some clarification on what this ‘thing’ he and Phil had actually was. He knew what he wanted it to be, and he was reasonably sure that he and Phil were around the same page, if not exactly on the same paragraph, but ‘reasonably sure’ left a lot of room for doubt, and he had those aplenty.

He tried to look at the facts as he walked the few blocks to the bus stop, probably for the thousandth time. Phil thought he was attractive, he’d said so countless times. Phil gave Dan his private Skype account and took the time to answer Dan’s questions all the time, even going so far as to start conversations about anything and everything with him. Dan would tentatively say they were friends, although how important he was to Phil remained to be seen. Phil liked talking to him, and it had been Phil who’d brought up meeting in real life. Phil had invited him to spend the day with him, had even hesitantly said at one point that he was welcome to stay the night if he’d like, and then changed the subject before Dan could process the many emotions sparked by the invitation (only some of which had been of the sexy variety). Phil flirted with him, all the time. Surely, all these things combined meant that he and Dan wanted the same thing, right? Or at least that they were both open to some sort of… thing happening between the two of them.

And therein lay the problem, Dan thought with a pang. ‘Thing’ was a nebulous category that had so many possible interpretations as to tell him very little about where he actually stood with Phil, and whether or not he’d get to have what he wanted.

Dan sat down on one of the vacant seats on the bus stop, ticket at the ready. The bus should be stopping by in ten minutes or so.

Dan was painfully aware of his own flaws, he knew that he was clingy and needy and often wanted too much; what if Phil did want him, but not all of him? What if Dan was too much and it drove Phil away? There were so many possibilities, Dan was inwardly berating himself for not asking what Phil wanted from him even as he knew he had been and still was too scared to ask outright.

Well, fuck that, he decided. He was going to meet Phil, he was going to be spending the day with him, and he wanted to enjoy it. The bus pulled over and he joined the queue to board it. He could put all his overthinking aside and just enjoy the literal dream come true that would be meeting Phil.

He probably could. Maybe. Damn it, he could try.

He really, really, wanted Phil to like him.

\--

After a bus ride that felt neverending and far too short all at once, Dan arrived at the Manchester stop where Phil would be picking him up.

Meeting Phil was strange. It felt a bit like a dream, with how often Dan had fantasised about it, had gone through the scenario in his head. Surreal, in how every second could have come straight from his most embarrassing daydreams. But at the same time it was all so real, he was never this nervous in his fantasies, he didn’t feel a little cold in his light jacket or notice unimportant details like the man speaking too loudly on the phone nearby or the pigeons looking for something to eat around the recently vacated café tables when he daydreamed about this.

It felt real, the most real thing he’d ever done, and Dan reckoned that every second of it would be imprinted in his memory forever: the moment he saw Phil waiting for him in the bus station and everything around him stopped; the moment Phil’s searching eyes caught up to him and their eyes met across the throngs of people going about their daily lives, unaware and uncaring about how momentous an occasion this was for the awkward too-tall teenager standing in their midst; the way Phil’s expression went from inquisitive to beaming when their gazes met; the grin that looked almost too wide to be contained by that beautiful face that Dan had grown to know so well despite this being the first time he was seeing it in the flesh.

Dan was grinning right back, instinctively, helplessly, as they both dodged the people in their way to meet in the middle. Phil hugged him. Dan wanted to faint in his arms, just a little; faint, or cry, or kiss him right on the mouth, walk him backwards to the nearest wall and snog him until neither of them knew where or who they were. Instead, he hugged him back, squeezed his arms around him for one, two, three seconds, and let go.

“Wow, you really are this pretty, huh?” Phil told him once they’d separated. He was staring at him shamelessly.

“Shut up,” Dan pushed him a little, convinced he was trying to make him blush in that way Phil often would, but he couldn’t stop smiling.

Phil shook his head slowly, eyes fixed on Dan’s face. “I’m serious. Your dimples are actually adorable. Can I poke one?”

Dan felt his face go hot. He knew by the sensation that the rosy patch in his jaw must be even more flushed than usual. “Is that meant to be a euphemism for something?” Dan tried to joke, tried to deflect because how was he supposed to deal with Phil saying something like that right to his face when he was standing there looking like everything Dan had ever wanted in his life wrapped up like a Christmas present with his name on it?

“Nope,” Phil said, then poked his right cheek gently, his finger fitting perfectly over Dan’s dimple and making him weak in the knees. Phil’s tongue was poking out from one side of his smile in that signature Phil smile that Dan loved so much, and Dan was maybe staring a little bit, but he couldn’t help himself. Phil was staring right back.

“Adorable,” Phil muttered, breaking the tension by moving away to Dan’s side and grabbing his arm to get him moving, smile fixed on his face. “Come on, let me buy you breakfast! You like Starbucks, right?”

\--

Phil paid for their drinks and muffins despite Dan’s token protest. Dan knew Phil could easily afford it, what with the kind of money he made off camming, which alleviated some of the guilt of Phil paying for it. Hell, he could probably buy Dan four meals a day for a few months just from the tips he’d got from Dan personally in the months since Dan had started watching him. It was a weird thought. Dan had tipped him in shows and then Phil had started tipping right back when Dan started doing his own streams, followed by Dan paying for a ticket to visit Phil, and now Phil was spending money on buying him breakfast.

It seemed like a very convoluted, very X-rated version of 21st century courting.

Okay, so it wasn’t technically a date, but it felt like one to Dan: an older man (who he was very much into), buying him breakfast and showing him around his town. It didn’t help that Phil was calling Dan pretty and laughing at his tentative jokes (getting his humour, what a blessing) or how he’d say things like ‘I’ve been thinking about this for a while now, I’ve been wanting to meet you’, and ‘I’m so glad you’re here’.

It was the little things that kept making Dan’s heart flip in his chest, kept making him feel nervous (but the good kind of nervous). Like Phil’s voice. Phil was talking a mile a minute, but his voice sounded quieter than it did in his streams, or even on Skype. Softer. It did wicked things to Dan’s insides, Phil smiling at him and talking to him in that way, saying all sorts of lovely things to him... It stoked Dan’s hopes. The way he talked sounded intimate; almost vulnerable. Dan was pretty sure he had obvious heart eyes despite his best efforts at being chill; he absolutely could not help himself.

He also talked with his hands, Dan had noticed. Not as much as Dan maybe, but when he got excited he talked with his whole body: swaying in place, leaning closer to Dan, gesticulating, touching him. Phil was very physical, kept touching Dan in a myriad different ways, nudging Dan’s foot with his own under the table, grabbing his arm to catch his attention, tapping his hand when Dan had left it resting on the table before pointing out a cute dog walking past. The familiarity was startling - Dan wasn’t used to it - but he relished it all the same. It wasn’t until they’d been chatting for a while and Dan had started to relax that he realised that Phil’s hands were shaking a little. Was Phil just as nervous as him? Because it didn’t feel like it until Dan had noticed Phil’s hands shaking.

Their conversation flowed just as easily as it did online, if rather more PG in terms of content, so it wasn’t until their chat came to a comfortable lull that Dan noticed how intently Phil was staring at him. Or how he couldn’t seem to stop fidgeting. Then Phil raised the cup to his lips to take a sip, eyes still fixed on him and Dan caught him gripping the mug a bit too tightly, put it together with how those long, elegant fingers were shaking a moment ago, with how he only still had anything to drink when Dan had finished his own caramel macchiato minutes ago because Phil had been too busy doing so much of the talking, asking Dan questions and then listening so intently to his answers that he forgot to make any headway on his own breakfast.

And the realisation was a shock even as it wasn’t. A stab of pure exhilaration started around his stomach and moved upwards all the way to his jaw.

Because Phil was nervous.

Excited and nervous.

He hadn’t been exaggerating or saying those things to be nice or polite or whatever else Dan had been telling himself when he was trying to manage his own too high expectations to keep them from crushing him if things didn’t turn out how he hoped. No, Phil was actually just as eager as Dan was for this. Not just ‘wanted to fuck him’ (although that was probably on the list too… hell, that was definitely on the list, Phil had said as much himself. Dan was rather hoping they’d get there sooner rather than later. Soon. But not yet). No, Phil actually wanted to get to know him.

That wasn’t something Dan was used to in his life, life in Wokingham made it hard for him to make new friends that often, rumors following him around like a thick miasma. By the time he actually had made new friends in upper form, most of them were surface level at best, no one actually wanting to get to know him beyond what they could use to turn around on him in a cruel joke later.

Dan moved a Vans-clad foot tentatively forwards under the table until he found one of Phil’s. He let it rest there for a few moments; Phil was staring straight at him. Then, he raised it slowly up, brushing against Phil’s calf; and down. Phil wasn’t blinking, wasn’t saying anything, but his gaze darted down to Dan’s mouth before returning to his eyes.

Dan threw him a cheeky grin, and did it again.

“So what else have you planned for me today?” he asked before realising just how suggestive that sounded. Oops, he hadn’t meant to do that. He didn’t want to be too forward and risk being off putting. (He realised how ridiculous that sounded considering how they’d met and all the times they’d done specific things in cam streams specifically to rile the other up, but this was different; this was real life. This was the chance at something more than bright lights, flattering camera angles and fantasies, and Phil had been very clear about this not being about their shared profession at all, so Dan didn’t want to give him the wrong impression.) He was actually trying to jump-start the conversation again, so he amended: “You said you'd show me around Manchester, so… Where else are you taking me?”

“Bored of this already?” Phil tried to joke, but his eyes were too intense for it to land as anything other than the invitation belying the light-hearted words.

“Not at all, and you know it,” Dan punctuated the playful rebuke with a little poke to Phil’s calf, trying to make that nervous twitch go away, “I was just wondering what else you might have in store for me.”

“You’ll have to wait and see, then, won’t you?” Phil’s smile this time was sweeter, his eyes had softened. His hand had stopped twitching; Dan kind of wanted to hold it, but he wanted to do it in much less crowded places.

“Alright.” Dan would be hard pressed to deny Phil’s smile anything, even if he’d wanted to. (He didn’t.) “I’m in your hands,” he added, running his foot decisively up Phil’s leg because having Phil’s attention like this made him want to do and say all sorts of wicked things, and he knew that Phil liked it when he was a little bit of a brat. Phil would call him a whiny brat on Skype but then still give into the silly request Dan had asked of him (usually changing the music they were listening to), a wry smile on his face looking incredibly fond.

He was rewarded with a sharper smile, one that was too wide and sweet to be a grin, but which held just as much promise as one of Phil’s filthiest smirks.

He couldn’t wait.

\--

It turned out that Phil had a lot planned for the rest of the day.

Phil dragged him from Starbucks to the Apple store (where they took a bunch of selfies - their first selfies together), then they walked around the town for a bit, where Phil showed him all the best places (they got a milkshake at ShakeAway, browsed the music store; Phil bought him a pikachu keychain that Dan had been admiring in one of the stores, it was the coolest thing ever); and then to the Skybar, where they had a late lunch and Phil offered to buy him the £2000 meal and laughed at Dan’s visible dismay at the idea. Dan was pretty sure he’d been joking; he hoped he was joking.

After they’d been walking around for hours, Dan really did need to refuel and get a little rest. The mood was relaxed, comfortable, and the sun was low enough in the horizon that the sky was turning pretty colours. The view was stunning. Dan even managed to drag his eyes off Phil long enough to enjoy it a couple of times.

(Dan wouldn’t find out until later that Phil had taken those moments to snap a few pictures of him with the gorgeous colours of the sunset bleeding into each other as a backdrop.)

They lingered over the meal at the Skybar, full and warm and happy in the slightly too-posh restaurant. They talked and they laughed and they flirted a little (okay, Dan would admit it was lot on his end), and Dan never wanted this day to end.

Eventually, they spilled back out into the streets of Manchester, both moaning about how full they were after the too large dessert they had split. They walked leisurely, the distance between them growing closer as night took over. Dan couldn’t remember ever being this happy, couldn’t remember ever clicking with another person like he did with Phil.

Phil reached out to brush long fingers down his wrist and laced their fingers together, effectively holding his hand, and he squeezed it lightly before pulling him forward. “Come on. There’s one more place I want to take you.”

The street lights shone lines across his face, made his eyes sparkle and framed his smile, and Dan was swept into that dream-like feeling again: the surreality of the moment, of being there with Phil, of having Phil hold his hand and smile so sweetly at him, of Phil wanting him there, wanting him at all. He could scarcely believe it and the idea of the evening ending and having to go home made his heart twist painfully in his chest.

Phil cocked his head in question when Dan didn’t move. He was so lovely it stuck in Dan’s throat, in Dan’s lungs, it squeezed his chest, fluttered in his belly. Dan shook his head to signal that it was nothing, that they could move on. Phil grinned and pulled him down a path to the side, and Dan was grateful he didn’t need to talk, could just enjoy being in the moment, enjoy being happy without having to overthink it for once.

He didn’t know how Phil managed to turn off the overthinking in his brain with a look, a smile, a brush of hands, but he did and that was all Dan needed to know.

__

Phil had led them to the Manchester Eye.

He let go of Dan’s hand to pay for the tickets, but he wasted no time reaching for it again once the exchange was done. He sat next to him rather than across him, babbling distractedly about the Wheel, about Manchester, about coming here as a child, about how he’d wanted to bring Dan here, about how Dan’s trip to Manchester couldn’t be complete without it. And through it all, he held Dan’s hand, thighs pressed close together on the seat, looking out the window into the artificial lights adorning the cityscape at night.

Dan looked at his side profile and basked in the low tenor of his voice and all Dan wanted to do in that moment was kiss him.

So he did.

When Phil turned to him, smiling (like he had been all day, like he had been over Skype, like how he always seemed to have a smile for Dan), Dan leaned closer and kissed him. Short and sweet, testing, until Phil made a little noise in the back of his throat and brought his hand to the side of Dan’s jaw to bring him closer and keep him in place as he thoroughly ruined him with tongue and lips and mouth.

Dan kissed back just as fervently, holding nothing back, wanting to drown in this gorgeous creature that so improbably wanted him back. Phil seemed just as set on drowning on him, and Dan loved him. He didn’t care that it was likely too soon, too fast, too reckless. It was there, weighing down his chest even as it lifted him up.

He couldn’t stop. Didn’t want to.

__

Coming back down to the ground, coming back down to Earth seemed so much harder than Dan ever remembered it being. His face was hurting from how hard he was smiling and everytime Phil and him made eye contact, he would smile wider because Phil was smiling too, occasionally squeezing Dan’s hand. To be honest, those hand squeezes were probably the only thing tethering Dan back to earth and not in his own head space dimension (look, no philosopher had ever accurately explained the conscious in a way Dan agreed with, okay?). Not to mention Phil and him still hadn’t clarified what any of this meant. They had spent the whole day with each other and Dan didn’t want it to end, but Phil and him were like being up at the top of the eye: indescribable.

They liked each other, Dan felt confident in saying that. They had spent the whole day together after all and had been talking pretty much every day before this for nearly five months, some of the moments flirtatious, some others making Dan slowly feel more and more safe confiding in this rare gem of a man. They liked kissing each other, something Dan felt was correct since when their cart had stopped, Phil had let out a quiet whine at having to stop kissing, which had made Dan’s heartbeat speed up (again).

So now they were standing here, at the bus stop that Phil had picked Dan up from earlier in the day. They had walked over to it in relative silence, bumping shoulders and smiling at each other. Their idle conversation had been about anything but the kisses they had just shared, mostly Phil pointing out different landmarks on their walk. Dan stared at their interlocked hands and went to talk as the bus pulled up.

“I don’t want-.”

“Would you want to-,” Phil had said at the same time, letting out a nervous laugh that came with a squeeze to Dan’s hand.

Dan turned and tilted his head to stare up at Phil from under his eyelashes, feeling a bit shy and a lot enamoured with the man in front of him. Phil gave his hand another squeeze and took a deep breath. “Would you want to come home with me? Not like that. Unless you want it like that? But I meant, to talk. I can sleep on the couch, but I don’t…”

“I don’t want to go home,” Dan admitted quietly, turning to shake his head at the bus driver who huffed in response, muttering under his breath. Dan was sure he didn’t want to know what the bus driver was saying, so he turned back to Phil and gave him a smile. He wasn’t sure what Phil saw in it but he watched as Phil’s shoulders relaxed and Phil started to smile back.

“Okay, we’ll go back to mine,” Phil asked, looking less nervous this time at the idea of inviting Dan back to his place. “No funny business,” he added, mock-serious as he wagged a finger in front of Dan’s amused face.

“Wouldn’t dream of it, Phil,” Dan said, looking around covertly, before leaning up and pressing a kiss to Phil’s cheek. He wasn’t sure it was okay. But Phil tilted his head and caught Dan’s lips in a light kiss, something teasing that made Dan’s heart clench unfairly in his chest.

“I said no funny business,” Phil repeated, but he had a fond smile on his lips.

“It wasn’t funny, it was very serious,” Dan said, giving Phil’s hand a squeeze.

Phil laughed as he returned the squeeze before giving it a tug. “Come along, Dan.”

Dan went, unsure what would come but excited to find out.

**Author's Note:**

> We'd like to thank [Phandom Big Bang](https://phandombigbang.tumblr.com) for organizing this event and finally giving us the opportunity/excuse to write together that we had been searching for. We've been talking about this universe for a while and the Big Bang seemed like a great way to start the series with a /bang/ so to speak. That does mean there are going to be other parts coming out in this series!
> 
> They always said it takes a village to raise a child and this is ours. I would love to thank our wonderful beta [always-okay-katie](https://kthnwss.tumblr.com/) and our exceptional artist [kthnwss](https://kthnwss.tumblr.com/). they dealt with our (reallyreallyreallyREALLY) erratic writing process and they are a blessing. You can view (and reblog ;)) the art [here](https://kthnwss.tumblr.com/post/188043415244/heres-my-art-for-the-fic-from-up-here-you-cant)! We don’t have enough words for how delighted we were to get these absolutely stunning art pieces to illustrate our story. They're just so beautiful :')
> 
> We also have to thank the Phanfic Writing Discord (in particular [counting2fifteen](https://counting2fifteen.tumblr.com/) and [mikey](https://sudden-sky.tumblr.com/)) for alleviating some fears and looking over the fic along with the encouragement and support you have given.
> 
> you can find kishere on tumblr [here](https://filisaceaf.tumblr.com/)
> 
> you can find maybeformepersonally on tumblr [here](https://maybeformepersonally.tumblr.com/)


End file.
